Why Do You Keep Going Back to Your Abusive Ex?

Why Do You Keep Going Back to Your Abusive Ex? why do you keep going back to your abusive ex?
Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash

Today, I’ll be addressing the question of why do you keep going back to your toxic ex after no contact or how can you stop going back to them for good. Something that often occurs after leaving an abusive relationship is missing the abuser, feeling lonely, and experiencing a whole range of emotions, some of which are entirely new. These emotions, previously suppressed during the relationship, now surface as a result of separation. A toxic relationship acts like a painful but concealing band-aid, covering up other painful emotions to prevent you from acknowledging them. Removing this band-aid reveals the emotions you never processed — emptiness, loneliness, sadness, deep hatred, among others.

In practicing no contact, you may even feel, on a logical level, that there were positive aspects to the toxic relationship, such as shared possessions or avoiding the difficulties of divorce. The prospect of returning may seem more appealing, as it could spare you from uncomfortable questions or judgments. Logically, you might think that going back is the better option because facing real-life challenges can be daunting.

Moreover, on a deeper level, the mind sees the toxic relationship as a familiar place, a pattern you’ve grown accustomed to despite its negativity and abuse. The mind, used to this habit, convinces you that going back to you ex is the only way to manage your anxiety and face your fears. Despite the logical awareness of the abuse, the mind, operating on a deeper, subconscious level, pulls you back, creating a loop of leaving and returning, much like an addiction.

Breaking free from this loop requires acknowledging that it might be beyond your conscious control. When logical reasoning fails, it indicates a need to work on the subconscious part of the mind. Seeking external intervention, such as therapy, becomes crucial to challenge and break free from these subconscious beliefs. Good therapy helps break the negative thought loop, allowing you to reintroduce logic and make healthier choices. While learning about the factors that drive you back after leaving is a positive step, seeking help to address subconscious beliefs is essential for lasting change. If you find yourself trapped in this loop, seeking help to work on these beliefs is key. Understand that your solutions extend beyond logic, and breaking free from the loop is possible with the right intervention.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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