Toxic Relationships: Why Does It Hurt When You Make the Right Decision to Leave the Relationship?

Toxic Relationships: Why Does It Hurt When You Make the Right Decision to Leave the Relationship? toxic relationships: why does it hurt when you make the right decision to leave the relationship?
Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

Today I’ll be answering the question of why it hurts when you make the right decision. By “right decision” here, it means that, let’s say, you want to leave that abusive relationship. Of course, in the grand scheme of things, even if we look at it from any angle, it is the right decision, right? It is the right one because it’s a relationship that is hurtful to you; they are manipulating you, and they may be physically abusing you. So, in the eyes of the universe or when you just look at it, it’s the right decision for you. But why does it really hurt when you make that right decision?

Actually, the main reason it hurts is because you are challenging the status quo. You are challenging something you’ve become familiar with. When you challenge something you’re accustomed to, that aspect of change will be really painful because, to the mind, your mind has gotten used to that familiar place, that relationship, that familiar environment. And when your mind gets used to something, it finds some element of safety in it because safety comes with predictability. Yes, they are abusive, but you know it.

So when the mind knows it, the mind will be like, “This is a better place because we don’t really know what will happen if you leave. We don’t really know the unknowns. What if you meet other monsters out there? What if this happens?” So, because the mind has gotten accustomed to you living in this environment and the safety it perceives, it will feel unsafe when you make that decision. That’s why it may feel like the wrong decision. Like you’re making the right decision, but it feels like the wrong one because you are stepping out from the familiar and going to the unfamiliar. So it’s very normal.

The other thing is you may really feel that this right decision is wrong because this decision you are making will expose the things you’ve buried deep within yourself. When you are in that abusive relationship, you’ve buried a lot of stuff — negative emotions, anger, resentment towards yourself or towards other people. So when you step out, those things come to the surface. You realize how empty your life is, how lonely you are, how low your self-esteem is. So you realize those aspects about you which you could not have realized if you stayed in the relationship. So that realization brings to your awareness the things you’ve neglected, and that can be very painful, and it can really feel like you’re making the wrong decision.

Of course, another aspect of why it’s painful is your environment. We’ve been conditioned to really feel that a relationship is not supposed to be something you just step away from, and your family may also be friends with your abusive partner. You may have these mutual acquaintances, so that aspect of your environment — people may tell you that, “Hey, you are making a wrong decision. This person is very nice. You are losing something; you’re losing a good partner.”

So when these people feed you with all these things, you may feel that maybe you’re losing something. Yes, you know there is a need for you to be safe, but when people feed you with all these things, you may end up developing feelings of regret, doubts, not being sure. You may end up feeling anxious, just questioning yourself, and that can really be painful.

So when you are making the right decision, it may really be painful, but it’s okay. Just make that right decision, and then later on, you will understand. You will understand once you’ve stepped out. Don’t just go back to the wrong decision, which is staying in the relationship. Go with the right one, and then don’t really dwell so much on what other people say or on why this may be the wrong decision. Just focus on you and your safety, and then later on, you will realize that you’ve made the best decision in your life by prioritizing yourself. So, a right decision is the decision where you are prioritizing yourself in any kind of circumstance. Even if a million people are against your decision, as long as you prioritize yourself on a deeper level, that is the best decision.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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