How To Respond to Narcissistic Triangulation

How To Respond to Narcissistic Triangulation how to respond to narcissistic triangulation
Photo by mariel reiser on Unsplash

A narcissistic relationship is full of games, and as if that’s not enough, one of the games they play is bringing some other third party into your relationship dynamic as a way to make you doubt yourself and fill you with a thousand thoughts about what’s really going on. That technique is called triangulation, and when you’re not aware, you’ll find yourself competing with someone else who you may not even have any clue of who they really are.

You may find yourself competing for your partner, which leaves you feeling angry and bad about yourself, wondering if there’s anything more you can do to get their attention again.

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You may change your looks, your religion, your values, or lower your boundaries to match up with the competition. When you’re not aware, you will end up being someone you really don’t want to be.

So why do narcissists rely on triangulations?

The main reason they enjoy playing this game is because it puts them in a position of superiority where they are being worshipped or fought over by two people. This makes them feel like they’re the hotly contested prize, which further soothes their fragile sense of self. It allows them to create a reality where the world revolves around them and their supply. It’s a very messed up mind game that has nothing to do with intimacy and everything to do with making the narcissist feel like the most important person in the room at all times.

So, how do you deal with this game so that you can come out of it at least unscathed?

The best thing to do once you notice it happening is not to play their games. By playing you’ll falling into their hands. There is no triangle without your participation in that game. If you see it unfolding right in front of your, just consciously disengage without even giving much thought.

Also, anytime you find yourself being pitted against another person for your partner’s affection or loyalty, take a pause. Remind yourself that this is simply the mind games playing out, and it is not a reflection of your worth as a person or partner.

Then refocus that energy inward — on nurturing your own interests, validating yourself, and being a supportive partner to yourself that isn’t entangled in the narcissist’s distorted mind games. You’ll never be able to satisfactorily win that unwinnable battle for their attention or approval. You may think you will but that’s just your mind lying to you because it crave that familiar environment.

At the end of the day, starving the narcissist of your emotional investment in their toxic dramas is one of the few healthy ways to strip that person’s power over you. Stop playing tit-for-tat on their playing field and start living a life so full and joyful that their games become irrelevant noise.

Is it easier said than done when your heart and self-esteem get bound up in their distorted mind games? Of course. That’s why getting that reality check when you wash your face in the mirror and see the person you need to return to the most — yourself — can slowly help you peel away from the competition.

You can then start looking for a good relationship with yourself, which may lead to attracting a relationship where there is growth, not a place where you slowly deteriorate into a shell of emptiness.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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