Things You Need to Know When Moving on From a Toxic Relationship

Things You Need to Know When Moving on From a Toxic Relationship things you need to know when moving on from a toxic relationship
Photo by Matt Bowden on Unsplash

Moving on after leaving a toxic relationship is not the easiest thing to do. The relationship has left you emotionally, or even financially, drained and feeling so worthless that the prospect of starting a new life seems like such a daunting task.

To make things worse, your ex-partner doesn’t even seem to be bothered by the end of that relationship; in fact, they’re already in another relationship, enjoying themselves. This feeling of betrayal weakens you further as you feel so used by someone you still care about.

That’s why the aftermath of a toxic relationship will leave your head spinning with plenty of thoughts and questions that don’t have any immediate answers.

You expected that you’d be free once you left that narcissistic relationship, but the reality is, you’re just physically free, but mentally and emotionally you’re still under the spell of your toxic ex. All of those are normal experiences when someone is healing after leaving a toxic relationship, and the more informed you are, the better prepared you’ll be to face those challenging moments. In this article, I’m going to share with you some of the things to expect in the aftermath of a toxic relationship.

So, What Do You Need to Know About Moving on From an Abusive Relationship?

  1. Don’t Expect Any Closure

One thing you may want after the end of that relationship is closure or answers from your ex, so that you can have a bit of peace. Let me save you from the disappointment: do not expect it. A manipulator will not offer you any closure just like how a normal relationship would, and the only closure you will get is deep within you.

They will not offer you any closure because they don’t have that genuine level of empathy like you, and they only care about their selfish needs. So, there’s no need to wait for that peaceful ending; look at the physical end of the relationship as the only closure you will ever get and start your healing journey. You can read my previous article here on why a narcissist will not offer you closure to learn more.

2. You Will Miss Them

After leaving the relationship, you will, of course, be angry because of the tortures your toxic ex put you through. But despite all that bitterness, you will still find yourself missing them, and you just can’t understand how you can miss someone who made your life a living hell.

These feelings will lead to deep self-hatred and self-pity as you can’t seem to comprehend how someone can miss such a terrible person. I want you to understand that it is a normal experience and missing someone doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person; it just means you’re acknowledging your feelings, and that’s part of the healing journey.

Also, the fact that you’re missing them doesn’t mean that you want to go back to them. There are a number of valid reasons why you will feel like you’re missing them so much; you can read more in my past article here.

3. The Relationship is Not Over for Them and They Will Still Try to Win You Back

Another thing you need to be aware of is that the fact that your toxic ex is probably in a new relationship or has ghosted you without any closure doesn’t mean that they are gone forever. Your narcissistic ex will still try to win you back so that they can get their needs met even long after you’ve moved on from the relationship.

To them, you’re all pawns in their game of supplying their needs. That’s why you should always keep that door locked, as you’re the only one who can stop them from dragging you back into the cycle of abuse. They will even try to hoover you back even when you’ve clearly seen them in a new relationship, but whatever you do, do not let them back in.

They will exploit your weaknesses and strengths to win you back. You also need to be aware of the various hoovering techniques they can pull when they’re trying to lure you back into the relationship. You can read my previous article here on narcissist hoover tactics.

4. Emotional Rollercoaster & a Full Range of Negative Emotions

After leaving that relationship, you’ll experience a rollercoaster of emotions. You will feel sad, lonely, confused, or hopeless, and at times you will feel happy, calm, and excited. It will be a non-stop ride that will take you to depths of negative emotions.

It’s a normal experience and it will not be a smooth sailing for sure; sometimes you will feel overwhelmed, but you’ve got to soldier on. You might have expected the aftermath to be full of happiness and peace because of your newly-found freedom, but to your surprise, it’s even more painful than when you were in the relationship.

It’s good to know that those negative emotions may be more intense after leaving that toxic relationship than when you were in the relationship because you’re experiencing a new wave of negative emotions like loneliness, grief, fear of the unknown on top of the emotions you were suppressing while you were in that relationship.

It’s more of the floodgates of all those painful emotions have now been opened and they’re rocking your life. This is not to scare you, it’s just to educate you so that you can find better channels of processing those negative emotions so that you can finally heal.

5. You Will Want to Be Alone

Another thing that will happen after leaving a toxic relationship is you will want to distance yourself from everyone (your friends, family, or coworkers) or even from your interests/hobbies. You will just want to be left alone for a while and do your own things while you try to decompress and come to terms with what happened.

You will also be so scared of interacting with other people because you feel that no one is to be trusted and no one really understands what you’ve been through. Isolating yourself from others is also a great defense mechanism from the potential triggers that remind you of your toxic ex or from those people who ask constant questions of which you have no clear answers.

Yeah, everyone will want to run away from questions like, “What happened? You looked very happy together?” or “Are you sure you’re making the right decision?” So, isolating yourself does not make you a bad person; it’s a normal thing and it can even provide you with space for deep reflection.

6. Healing is a Journey

One last thing you’ve got to understand is that your healing journey will not be a straight path, and it will be full of meanders and detours. Some days will be much harder than others, but you’ve just got to pick yourself up and keep working towards that life you deserve.

Also, it isn’t really about the destination but rather those small noticeable improvements you make along the way that enhance the quality and bring meaning to your life. You will have to be patient and gentle with yourself; there’s no one-size-fits-all, and you can’t expect any magical improvement overnight.

The aftermath of a toxic relationship is a place where you may endure several months of pain and struggle without having an idea if you’re progressing or not. You will even think that you were better off in that relationship. But one thing that I want you to know is, it’s a journey worth taking.


Moving on after a toxic relationship is a huge task, but that shouldn’t mean that we stop and do nothing at all. In fact, there are only two paths to take after leaving a toxic relationship.

One is the path of commitment, courage, and effort towards healing and rediscovering our authentic selves, and the other path is that of doing nothing at all and remaining stuck with toxic relationship patterns. Let’s always choose that emotionally challenging path as that’s the only way for us to finally find inner peace in our lives.

Also, if you want better results in your healing journey, focus more on yourself and not on them because what your ex is doing is not within your scope of control.

Those negative emotions may, of course, drive you to seek a new relationship as an escape, but whatever you do, do not get into another relationship without healing. It might offer you temporary relief, but you’re exposing your vulnerable and desperate self to the possibility of another traumatic relationship. The work will be emotionally challenging, but the only way is inward.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 838

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *