Coping with a Narcissistic Discard

Coping with a Narcissistic Discard coping with a narcissistic discard
Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash

The discard phase of a narcissistic relationship is a painful experience filled with shades of despair, hopelessness, sadness, loneliness, and grief. A narcissistic discard is when someone with narcissistic traits ends their relationship with you. It’s often done so cruelly that you end up feeling used and discarded — it is not similar to a normal breakup.

What makes it more painful is the fact that they will never offer you closure or any warning, leaving you confused and devastated, not knowing what to do. This pain of being abandoned makes you feel like you have no value at all and fills you with an overwhelming wave of negative emotions.

If you’ve been discarded by a narcissist, it’s essential to understand that this is how they play their games, and you need to move on to protect yourself. It can be really hard to come to terms with what’s happening, and that’s why I’ve shared this article to help you with some coping mechanisms you can use to deal with a discard with a focus on improving your mental health and finally thriving.

Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity — Hippocrates.

How to Cope with a Narcissistic Discard:

  1. Give yourself time to grieve:

Just like the end of any relationship, we experience the same feelings as when we’ve lost a loved one when we’ve been discarded. This can be a difficult and painful process as we will experience two sides of negative emotions — one where we mourn the loss of the relationship and the other where we feel guilt for grieving someone who ruined our life.

Grieving is a necessary step, and it allows you to move on much faster as it will give you an opportunity to release those emotions. One might choose to suppress these emotions, but that is more short-term, while releasing them is long-term and leads to healing.

Grieving is simply a process in which your body releases stored emotions. You can do this by allowing yourself time to remember the good and bad times, giving yourself time to cry and say goodbye.

2. Surround yourself with supportive people:

A narcissistic relationship often leaves you isolated from your loved ones and questioning your sanity. One of the best ways to cope with a discard is to surround yourself with people who genuinely validate your experience and care about you.

If you don’t have any friends or family to support you, you can join an online community of survivors as they will understand what you’ve been through and offer you a sense of belonging. A good support network may offer you financial and emotional support as well.

Having a compassionate person to talk to makes you feel safe and hopeful in your healing journey as you know where to ask for help when things get tough. However, be cautious as some of your friends and family may be narcissistic enablers (flying monkeys) and may side with your narcissistic ex, so it’s better to avoid them as they will probably make you feel worse.

3. Adopt a self-care routine:

When you’re in a narcissistic relationship, you may tend to abandon yourself and forget about your own physical, mental, and emotional health. This is because you’re manipulated and controlled in such a way that you prioritize the needs of the narcissist over your own.

You may also find yourself adopting various unhealthy coping mechanisms (e.g., unconscious drinking, substance abuse, binge-eating) as you look for quick relief from the pain you’re feeling, which only ends up making you feel more unworthy. A coping strategy to keep you going is taking care of yourself by being your number one priority and focusing more time and energy on things that enhance your general well-being.

You can start by nailing down the basics and simple self-care habits within your reach and slowly climb your way up to full recovery. Nourishing yourself will help you feel that the direction you want to go is achievable and that you’re worth the effort.

Some simple daily self-care habits you can engage in include getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, taking a walk, exercising, personal grooming, maintaining good hygiene, or simply getting physical rest. It’s all about being a little ‘selfish’ and understanding that your needs come first.

4. Journal therapy:

Journal therapy is a journal writing exercise with the purpose of using reflective writing to improve your overall well-being. It allows you to write down, converse with, and analyze the challenges and issues you have with regards to your recovery.

Journal therapy differs from regular journaling as it is more focused on recording your feelings, internal experiences, and thoughts. It is a powerful tool that enables you to do deep self-inquiry and build a loving relationship with your inner being.

This type of journaling can also provide you with a way to release those emotions on paper instead of keeping them within you. To get the most out of this journaling exercise, find yourself a great personal diary (digital or hardcopy).

For digital, I recommend Microsoft OneNote; it’s a really cool free resource I use for my work. Having a journal is like having that friend who can listen to you without any judgment. Also, it’s a practice that needs to be done daily to get optimum results. For this exercise, you can write anything you feel like, but you can also use creative and effective prompts to go deeper into your present experiences. Some self-reflection prompts to help you in this journey are:

Acknowledging Your Feelings — How are you feeling? What emotions are you experiencing? (write something about it)

Self-Forgiveness — Write a forgiveness letter to yourself on what you’ve gone through. (reconciliation letter)

Letter to your Ex — Write a Letter to your Narcissistic Ex ranting about what they put you through… (do not send the letter to them but burn it afterwards)

5. Learn about Narcissistic Relationships:

Another way to cope is to learn a little bit about narcissistic or toxic relationships. Building your self-knowledge will bring you more awareness and clarity on the things that were happening in the relationship. This may offer you a feeling of closure, comfort, and understanding of why the relationship could not be saved.

It will also be an eye-opener for you on some of the things you never thought people could do to their supposed ‘soulmates.’ Once you understand the various aspects of a manipulative relationship, you will know how the game was played and may understand why you feel the way you feel.

Educating yourself about it has its place in the healing journey, but you should be wary of falling for informational abuse where you find yourself binging on narcissistic content and overloading yourself with pointless information. I would suggest reading just one book about it and then focusing more on taking action and not on getting a PhD in Narcissism. One book I can suggest is “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself” by Shahida Arabi; it’s like a Bible for Narcissistic relationships. Only read that and then focus on your healing.

6. Understand that the Discard is a blessing in disguise:

Narcissistic discard is a blessing in disguise, regardless of how cruel it can be. It’s your chance to finally move on from someone who has made your life a living hell.

In a way, you should finally celebrate and rejoice that you now have the space and time to heal away from them. This is the opportunity you’ve been unconsciously/consciously waiting for. Look at a narcissistic discard as the only narcissist’s genuine compliment that you’re no longer in their control or providing them with supply, and you can now pursue the happy life you deserve.

7. Seek professional support:

Seeking effective and appropriate professional help from someone conversant with Narcissistic Relationships in your healing journey really does help with bringing more clarity, uncovering hidden challenges in your healing journey, as well as speeding up the healing process.

Healing trauma and breaking the trauma bonds can be a challenging experience, so give yourself permission to accept support. It does not show you’re weak; it only shows your courage and bravery that you really want to work on your healing. You can seek help through therapy, counseling, coaching, or Online Healing Programs.


Being in a narcissistic relationship is devastating and distorts your sense of reality. It is a traumatic experience that leaves a dent in your self-esteem and self-worth, but there are ways to cope with it and use the discard as a stepping stone to explore the unexplored sides within yourself. It may not seem clear now, but you’re better off away from them, and you will find peace and healing. Keep working on it and follow some of the coping mechanisms I’ve listed above. It may be dark, but light will shine on you again.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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