Boundaries 101: How to Get the Most out of Your Knowledge of Boundaries

Boundaries 101: How to Get the Most out of Your Knowledge of Boundaries boundaries 101: how to get the most out of your knowledge of boundaries
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Let’s say you now understand your boundaries on a superficial level, to say the least. You know about your physical, material, emotional boundaries, mental boundaries, and all those kinds of boundaries, or you simply understand what it takes to safeguard your well-being. You are now at the state where we can say you’re ‘boundaried’ with adequate knowledge of what it takes to set and uphold healthy boundaries in life. You now know when someone is trying to exploit you or when you’re engaging in behavior that is not in alignment with your values and needs. So, what’s next in your journey?

It feels Heavy

Learning about setting and upholding boundaries is a journey, but something about this journey is that we may take the wrong turn and revert to our default before learning about these boundaries. Actually, when you start the journey, boundaries, or even the thought of setting them, you will feel heavy on the inside since you’re not used to living a life of healthy boundaries. You will want to go back to the homeostatic state of poor boundaries where all you had to do is say yes to everyone at the expense of yourself.

This initial momentum will really make boundary-setting seem heavy as you will be seeing your friends who don’t understand their boundaries living a seemingly carefree life and having fun while you’re there struggling with your newly-found insights. It will really look like you’re making a mistake for standing up for yourself, you’re not the life of the party, and you’re even feeling lonely. You feel like throwing your hand up and saying, “Screw this, I miss my old boundaryless self.”*et9czc*_ga*MTkxNjcxMDU2NC4xNjg1MDA1MjYw*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTY5ODczNDU3OC4yMjQuMC4xNjk4NzM0NTc4LjAuMC4w

When it feels heavy, the next step should be to inquire about what’s making it heavy or to work on the elements that make it heavy. The ultimate nature of healthy boundaries is that they become so automatic that you don’t even have to remind yourself about taking care of yourself (interesting, right? Like you remind yourself how to take care of yourself? — think about this deeply).

It will feel heavy because your new identity is showing you the load which you were already carrying deep within you. This load is more of negative and unhealthy beliefs you’ve collected from your environment and your past experiences.


To understand this burden, picture yourself residing in a house filled with hidden piles of trash beneath the seats or beneath your bed. Before realizing the extent of your boundaryless nature, you resided comfortably in this house, unable to see underneath and truly identify what was causing your discomfort — be it mentally, emotionally, or physically. Your autopilot state or life experiences had conditioned you to only dispose of trash under your seat and ignore it, completely disregarding the option of discarding the trash outside or to its rightful place.

Now, when you learn about your boundaries, you realize that you’ve been living in a dirty house all along, and that’s what’s been making you sick, unhealthy, or unhappy. Now, you can see the load; that’s what makes it heavy when you start understanding boundaries. As you learn about the baggage you’ve been carrying, you’re not only becoming aware of its weight, but you’re also bringing to light how it’s affecting you and the costs it incurs in your life.

Going Back to Default Setting

So, when you set boundaries, it may appear heavy, and your instincts might convince you to return to your default and comfortable ‘lighter’ setting. That’s when you need to understand that if you go back, you will actually be choosing to live in a heavy state. As you’re learning about boundaries, understand that it will seem heavy, but also comprehend that it’s actually the beginning of lightening the load. It’s your life starting to become lighter, and it’s a step forward in being truer to yourself.

Instead of feeling overpowered or reverting to your default setting, acknowledge and inquire about the heaviness you’re feeling. Your inquiry involves bringing to your awareness the elements that make setting your boundaries heavy. Once you bring them to your awareness, challenge those beliefs and false identities — that’s what deep transformation is all about. It’s not really woo-woo; it’s about challenging and becoming aware of that which is not truly you. The mind is, of course, a complex thing and won’t let you do that easily, but it’s just the beginning of working towards a state of having boundaries and feeling lighter with them. The ultimate state of boundaries is where it feels simple to take care of yourself, and you don’t even need to be reminded; it’s just a way of life, similar to having breakfast.

In conclusion, your boundaries may seem heavy as you embark on your journey, but as you delve deeply into the fear and inner beliefs that make taking care of yourself or feeling responsible for yourself burdensome, you will reach a point where you don’t really need to write those boundaries down. Instead, it becomes an inherent aspect of your being, and you recognize that you are the boundary, and the boundary is you — it’s not a separate entity.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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