8 Signs You’re Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

8 Signs You’re Healing from Narcissistic Abuse 8 signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a daunting task because they leave you with all kinds of trauma and without any kind of inner strength to face life challenges. The narcissist sucks the life out of you and when you step out of that relationship, you feel like a shell of what you were. You spend days and night trying to process what you’ve put yourself through and all the sacrifices you made which were not enough to save the relationship.

You wish you’d just go back in time and ‘unmeet’ them but you know that’s not possible and it’s up to you to face this life and start healing. Once you realize that it takes commitment from you to reclaim that peaceful life you deserve, then you’re in for progress in your healing journey. Healing is not a straightforward path and it will be full of meanders and detours. It will take you the dark depths within yourself which you’ve never explored.


At times you’ll feel stuck, disconnected, lonely and stressed and your mind will even lie to you that you’ll never recover and it will present you with clear evidence to support that claim. So, that’s why it may be important to see the progress you’re making, however small it is, so that it can offer you support and encouragement that you’re moving forward.

So, what are some of the signs that you’re recovering from narcissistic abuse?

1. You’ve Accepted Your Situation

One of the hardest things to do after being in an abusive relationship is acknowledging that there’s nothing more you could have done to save the relationship. You tried and tried and even squeezed every little ounce of energy you had as you strived to make the relationship work. This idea of still thinking that there’s something you could have done (common ones are “maybe I should have communicated better” or “I had a role to play in making the relationship toxic”) will linger even after you’ve learned about narcissists.

You will know you’re healing when you’ve accepted your current reality and you deeply know that there was nothing more you could have done to change the outcome of the relationship or to change them. You no longer rationalize or try to make excuses for their behavior and your focus is now your current reality and not the past. You understand that all along the only one who needed to change was you and that’s what you need to focus on. You’ve acknowledged that it’s your responsibility to deal with the emotional pain you’re going through and you’re even taking the steps towards that.

2. You’re no Longer Constantly Triggered

When you’re still carrying all the trauma from your past relationships, everything will look like a trigger. You may get triggered by colors, other people, articles, smells or just anything outside you that evokes an unexplained emotional reaction from you.

You will know you’re healing when some of the things which used to trigger you are becoming less and less triggering. You may have adopted some avoidance strategies or distractions for your triggers but you don’t see the point of doing that anymore as what was being triggered inside you (your unhealed wounds) has been uprooted.

3. You feel Lighter and Unburdened

Emotional baggage from the past is just like normal physical load and it weighs you down. When you carry all of the past with you, you’ll feel emotional fatigued and exhausted. You will know you’re healing when you start feeling like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and your heart.


You’ve been carrying so much emotions with you but once you start processing and releasing them, you’re dropping off a load which doesn’t serve you anymore. You start feeling that you’re free from the shackles of past relationships and hurts. It’s more of travelling light and not being weighed down by something which is not worth carrying.

4. You Start Taking Care of Yourself

A narcissistic relationship is a place where you neglect your own wellbeing for the sake of your partner. Your partner has also manipulated you to believe that you don’t matter and you shouldn’t even take care of yourself.

You had completely ignored yourself but when you’re healing, you start regaining your self-worth and you’re mindful of the things you’re doing that are not in alignment with your well-being. You know you’re healing when your self-care is a priority and you deeply know that your needs matter in front of anyone else. You’re not an option anymore: you’re hitting the gym, watching your diet, grooming yourself and showing up for you.

5. You’re Becoming More Decisive and Less Doubtful

One thing for sure is a narcissistic relationship will make you question, doubt and second-guess yourself a lot. This is because you’ve been gaslighted to the point that you don’t know how to differentiate what’s real from what’s not. You’ve also been disempowered and you just don’t believe in yourself anymore.

When you start making your own decisions without feeling the need of consulting anyone or feeling that you’re making the wrong decision then know that you’re on the right path in your healing journey. Another bonus is you’ll also realize that you have solutions to those life challenges which seemed so ‘impossible’ to resolve in the beginning of your healing journey.

When you’re traumatized, the logical part of the brain doesn’t function as it’s supposed to but when you start releasing those past hurts, it starts brightening up which in return improves your decision-making and critical thinking.

6. Unexplained Physical Symptoms Start Disappearing

When you’re in deep emotional pain, you will experience physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, digestive issues and chronic pain. To cope with those painful experiences, you might have been using painkillers and sleeping pills. You will know you’re healing when some of those symptoms have started to disappear.

You might feel that your sleep is getting deeper and deeper even without using painkillers and sleeping pills. You may not feel the pain in your back anymore that’s been bothering you for ages. This is because our bodies store some of our stuck emotions which then manifest through those physical symptoms.

So, once you shine some light and release those emotions, the accompanying physical symptoms disappear. In fact, this is the best reason why you should seek to really heal and release those traumatic memories. It’s a life-changing experience even for your physical health. It’s more of exhausting what the mind is holding in our bodies before indulging in countless pills. (Note: — This is not to say that healing your trauma will takeaway all those physical symptoms but it’s a step worth exploring)

7. You’re Starting to Forgive Yourself

Regardless of what you learn about narcissists and why they do what they do, you will find it really hard to forgive yourself for going through the experiences. At the end of the day, we’re our own worst enemies and we may deeply hate ourselves for not getting out sooner, listening to your gut, for not listening to what others said, for persevering or for just anything that will prove that there’s something wrong with us.

So, you will deeply criticize and beat yourself for all those past atrocities even when someone explains to you that you were manipulated. You will know you’re healing when you now show yourself grace and compassion and you just understand that you didn’t know any better. You understand that you found yourself in those situations because you were manipulated, you were vulnerable and they use all your deep fears and insecurities to just get to you. You stop being angry at yourself and you now see yourself as this person who deserves love and compassion from themselves.

8. You become Unbothered and Indifferent

After leaving an abusive relationship, you will think about them, stalk them, miss them or even wish they’d take you back. You will spend most of your days obsessively reminiscing about the past, the ‘what if’ scenarios and even obsessively learning about narcissists. You will know you’re healing when you spend less time thinking about them and some days or even weeks can go without you ruminating about the past relationship.

You just become unconcerned of what they’re up to and you don’t even care anymore. You’re living your life now. A thought about the past may come to your head but you don’t go along with it, you may even chuckle a little. Another thing is you’ve stopped compulsively learning about narcissists as you feel that there’s no point of doing it anymore as you understand yourself. You’ve been freed from the narcissist’s spell and you deeply know that no one can use you to get you. Your focus shifts from narcissists to something you love, like watching a movie, travelling or just something outside ‘learning about mental health’ (counterintuitive, right?)

When you’ve not healed you may find yourself overindulging in narcissism as you seek to understand them but when you’re healing, you become less and less interested in narcissists and more interested in yourself and what you’re feeling deep inside.


Healing from narcissistic abuse is not an easy task and it will really challenge you to step up for you. You step up from those negative beliefs you have about yourself because of the pain other people have inflicted in your life. There are many signs you can use to determine if you’re healing from abuse but the only one who can really know if you’re making progress or if you’re stuck in your healing journey is you and your deep honesty.

An article can only share insights but at the end of day, the emotional distress or the discomfort inside you is your true compass. The relationship has exposed some of those unhealed parts within yourself, and it’s now your job to process and release them. There’s no need of burying them, work on them while you can still see and feel them.

When we don’t deal with them for good, they will unconsciously draw us to relationships which are not good for us. Those unhealed wounds will gravitate you towards relationships where your emotions are being invalidated or where your needs are not being met because they are familiar grounds. Healing is a journey but you’re the one who’s holding the steering wheel, you can choose to take the wrong turn and focus on narcissists and other people or you can take the fast lane and fully focus on yourself. Which path are you currently taking?

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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