Why Don’t You Listen to Good Advice About Your Abusive Relationship?

Why Don’t You Listen to Good Advice About Your Abusive Relationship? why don’t you listen to good advice about your abusive relationship?
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Today, I’ll be answering the question of why is it that you don’t really follow the ‘good’ advice people give you when you’re in an abusive relationship. By advice here, I mean, let’s say your friends keep advising you, like, “Hey, leave the relationship,” “Hey, I’ve seen them doing this,” “Hey, they are lying to you.” Your parents are also telling you, “Hey, leave the relationship.” People are giving you this good advice, which from the grand scheme of things is very, very good advice. Even your best friend, even your children are telling you, “Mom or Dad, please do this, please leave the relationship.” Why is it that you don’t really listen to this advice?

Actually, the first thing you have to understand is that this advice sometimes just hits the surface or just scratches the surface. Because something about advice is, advice is coming from their perspective of the situation, so it’s how those people see it, so it’s like an external thing. But on a deeper level, the mind will always reject, now what is the subconscious part of your mind. It will reject the advice because that part of the mind which has gotten accustomed to that environment you are in.

Let’s say if you’ve been in a toxic relationship for 10 years, 5 years, your mind has gotten accustomed to the abuse. Your mind has gotten accustomed to the emotional abuse. That’s why even if you go for counselling sometimes and then a counsellor gives you advice like, “Hey, that person is very manipulative, please leave,” you’ll not listen because to the mind, it feels that that’s a very, very familiar place for you, so it feels safe. Yes, logically, it is unsafe, but when the mind has become accustomed to something, like now accustomed to toxic relationship patterns, the mind will interpret everything it gets as a challenge to the status quo.

So, if someone gives you advice of, leave, the mind will automatically reject that, and it will even translate it as, “This person is not listening to me,” “This person does not understand abuse,” “This person does not understand victims of abuse,” “This person does not understand domestic abuse,” because the mind is looking for everything to reject things which will challenge it.

But now, your ego, how you perceive yourself because of all those past experiences or because you’ve identified yourself with this relationship, will reject everything till you yourself make that decision, or till you yourself, on a deeper level now, make the decision which is good for you. So, don’t end up beating yourself up because you’re not listening to the advice, but understand that actually it’s just about the complex nature of the mind.

Sometimes you may not listen to the advice because it’s something which is coming from them, and it’s just scratching the surface, and your subconscious mind is protecting you in this familiar and predictable space. It is hurtful, but it is still a familiar space to the mind. That’s why most advises you read, you listen to, will not really work for you, and it will reach a point it’s mostly up to you to just make that decision.

Hope that makes sense, guys. Go easy on yourself if you feel that you’re not listening to advice because what will happen also is you may also end up berating yourself, hating yourself, or beating yourself up because you’re like, “I’m not listening to the advice,” or you may end up regretting later that maybe I should have listened.

No, you did not listen because the mind was keeping you safe, and the mind felt that the best thing to do was to be in that state in that moment. So, don’t beat yourself up, just understand that the mind is a complex thing, and it will always do everything to maintain the status quo or to keep you in a familiar spot.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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