Why Doesn’t My Narcissist Ex Want to Give Me Closure?

Why Doesn’t My Narcissist Ex Want to Give Me Closure? closure
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We’ve all been there — a relationship ends, and you’re desperately craving that closure talk with your soon-to-be-ex. In a normal relationship, you may just want to draw the line for the next steps forward and even wish each other well in your future endeavours. You may want to acknowledge your part in the failure of the relationship, which is perfectly okay.

However, when you find yourself in a narcissistic relationship, you might expect the same closure as in your past relationships, only to find yourself chasing that closure talk. Now, you desperately want this talk because you’re deeply hurt and want them to finally acknowledge and be accountable for the harm they’ve caused in your life.

You want to make sense of why they did what they did to you, even after you tried and sacrificed everything to make them happy. You did a lot of inexplicable things to survive that relationship, and you really feel that the only thing you deserve is that final closure talk so you can move on.

You feel you deserve answers to your million questions, only to be met with dead silence as if you never even existed. This leaves you further confused on top of the confusion the relationship has already brought into your life.

If you’ve endured such a relationship with someone who has strong narcissistic traits, you likely didn’t get that closure you desperately wanted either. Their refusal to provide it can leave you feeling crazed, obsessing over finding an explanation where there seemingly is none.

Narcissistic relationships don’t follow the common norms of most breakups because they are more like one-sided relationships that only serve one person — the narcissist. So, what are some of the reasons why your narcissist will rarely give you any closure?

Keep You as Backup Supply

Narcissists are driven by their singular desire to have their needs met at all costs. Their need for admiration, validation, and control compels them to keep you hanging on, just in case they need you back.

When you don’t get closure, you may linger and leave the door open, and when they come knocking, you might find yourself welcoming them back because you haven’t officially ended the relationship.

They rarely give you closure so they can hook you back into the relationship whenever they want. They may breadcrumb you here and there or give you some fake apologies for months after discarding you just to keep you engaged with them without really moving forward to something else in life.

Protect Their Reputation

Narcissists like to maintain their false sense of perfection and will go to great lengths to protect how others perceive them. A genuine closure talk involves being somewhat honest about why the relationship is ending, which would shatter their ego because they want to maintain their superficial charm and make you seem like the one who ended things or the ‘bad’ one in the relationship.

In most relationships with close family ties, families are often keen to know who ended things and why. Because the narcissist has been putting up a superficial charm for other family members, they will avoid the closure talk by all means, as it would cause their carefully crafted image to come tumbling down. They don’t want to be seen as the “bad” guy; they want to be seen as the one who was chased away from the relationship

Inability to Be Accountable

The last reason they cannot offer you closure is their inability to take full ownership of their actions and behaviours. Taking full ownership and narcissistic behaviour are like oil and water — they don’t mix. When the ego has become so solidified, it will take all measures to seek self-preservation, one of which is avoiding taking ownership.

Without ownership, there is no changed behaviour. Taking responsibility would mean acknowledging their emotional shortcomings and flaws, which is an unbearable reality for their fragile egos. It’s easier for them to avoid this completely, and they do so by avoiding the closure talk.

Don’t Wait for the Closure You’ll Never Get

Here is the things, as soul-crushingly hard as it is to accept, you have to stop torturing yourself by waiting for the validation and closure the narcissist is genuinely incapable of providing. The same mind that pulled you into this toxic cycle, convincing you that you desperately need closure from them, is the same mind now keeping you stuck, obsessively going over every possible way to get it from them.

Your mind or how you perceive yourself will do whatever it takes to keep you stuck where you are, just like a narcissist avoids taking responsibility for their own inner turmoil.

You don’t necessarily need that closure to heal, and even if they give it to you, it may offer temporary relief but won’t deal with the wounds they’ve already inflicted deep inside you.

The closure you truly need is to look inward — to re-connect with your authentic self that was lost in a narcissist’s distortion field. Closure is releasing the cobwebs of negative beliefs that a narcissist projects onto you, like you are unworthy, unlovable, or undeserving of basic respect. True closure is accepting the harsh reality that you will likely never get the confession and accountability you crave, and rediscovering your own worthiness.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References

1. https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/getting-closure-with-narcissist/#:~:text=Now%2C%20you%20may%20ask%20why,that%20they%20can%20be%20wrong.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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