Why You Can’t Break That Trauma Bond Yet You’re Practicing No Contact?

Why You Can’t Break That Trauma Bond Yet You’re Practicing No Contact? why you can’t break that trauma bond yet you’re practicing no contact?
Photo by Jornada Produtora on Unsplash

Trauma bonding is one of the cruellest tricks our mind can play on us after or when you’re in an abusive relationship. It’s when we feel an intense emotional attachment and preoccupation with the person who has hurt us deeply. Even though rationally and logically we know the relationship was toxic and unhealthy, we still feel drawn to them like a magnet.

It may feel like your heart is being stretched in two as you desperately want to let go but also crave that familiar closeness, no matter how dysfunctional it was. You keep replaying happy memories from the love bombing phase and hoping they will change or that things can go back to how it was in the beginning. Your mind wants to return to what feels comforting and known, even if it means tolerating mistreatment.

Why does this happen? It has to do with unhealed emotional wounds buried deep in our subconscious mind seeking out patterns and situations that feel familiar, even if they are hurting us.

When your mind has become accustomed to something, it will hold onto it as your safety mechanism even when it’s logically hurtful. It’s like getting used to staying in a dark room to the point where you know your way around it.


To the mind, the familiar is more predictable, but the unfamiliar is unpredictable and scary and makes you anxious. Sadly, it will always draw you to a place where your wounds feel at home.

No Contact Alone Isn’t Enough to Break the Cycle

Let’s say, you’ve been diligently doing No Contact for some months of even years, but still can’t shake the trauma bond. It’s like trying to get sober by locking away the alcohol but not dealing with what’s driving the addiction in the first place.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you grew up in a dysfunctional home with an emotionally unavailable parent. This created an unhealed inner child wound of feeling starved for love and validation. So, in adulthood, you are subconsciously drawn to recreate those familiar dynamics and chase after crumbs of affection from an avoidant, hot/cold or an abusive partner. No Contact may stop you from drunk dialling your ex or from bombarding them with messages when you’re feeling lonely, but the core addiction — that gaping void trying to be filled — hasn’t been addressed.

You Need to Work on Those Unhealed Wounds

No Contact is a start but isn’t the full solution for breaking a trauma bond. You have to go inwards and work on healing those subconscious wounds and core limiting beliefs that are keeping you hooked on unhealthy relationship patterns.

It’s like having food poisoning (the trauma bond). Taking medicine could stop the vomiting for a while (No Contact), but you also need to flush the toxin from your system (do inner work) to make a full recovery. Only then can you break the addiction to the familiarity of dysfunction and embrace balanced, self-loving relationships.

The path isn’t easy, but sticking with your healing is the way to permanently sever that invisible cord binding you to your unhealed trauma. Be patient yet committed in your journey so that you can face those past hurts deep within.

Once you heal those past hurts, you are adopting self-compassion and self-nurturing as your new ‘drug’ of choice and letting go of the familiar toxins you’ve gotten accustomed to. That’s how you can finally and permanently break your trauma bond and start forming healthy bonds in life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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