What Do You Do if You Have A Mutual Friend with Your Abusive Ex Partner?

What Do You Do if You Have A Mutual Friend with Your Abusive Ex Partner? what do you do if you have a mutual friend with your abusive ex partner?
Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

It’s a common situation where relationships often involve mutual friends, whether it’s your partner’s friends or shared acquaintances. However, when your ex or someone who is abusive is involved, things can become complicated.

You may find yourself in a situation where your close friends, who were once supportive of your relationship, continue to interact with your abusive ex. It’s challenging because on the surface, your ex may appear to be a kind, generous, and put-together individual, effectively wearing a mask. So, what can you do in such a scenario?

First and foremost, it’s crucial to focus on yourself and establish clear boundaries. Just because a friend maintains a relationship with your abusive ex may mean that they can serve as an indirect communication channel between the two of you. Going full no contact with your ex is a vital aspect of moving on from an abusive relationship. If your friend becomes the intermediary, they can relay information about you, undermining your efforts to establish no contact.


It is crucial to recognize that maintaining any form of contact with an abusive ex can hinder your healing process. No contact means completely cutting off communication and interaction with your ex, including through third parties. By allowing a friend to act as a go-between, you are inadvertently providing a channel for information to flow between you and your ex.

In cases where the relationship with your ex was highly toxic, it is best to cut ties with those friends as well. By doing so, you ensure that your no-contact boundaries remain effective. Otherwise, the friend may unintentionally or intentionally convey information about your life to your ex, even if you have blocked them on various platforms. This can include details about your new relationships, activities, whereabouts, and more. It’s a complex situation, particularly during the early stages of your healing journey.

Later on, as you develop stronger boundaries and a healthier mindset, you may be more equipped to handle interactions with friends who remain connected to your ex. At that point, you can evaluate the nature of your friendship and decide whether to maintain it. However, during the initial stages of healing, it is advisable to limit contact with friends who are still interacting with your ex. Their conversations and comments may trigger negative emotions, such as jealousy or sadness, impeding your progress.

Remember that your primary focus should be your own safety, well-being, and healing. It’s essential to prioritize yourself and work on building a healthy friendship with yourself. Don’t invest too much energy in trying to preserve friendships that may not align with your healing journey. Even if you have been friends for many years, what matters most is your own growth and self-preservation.

Abuse by Proxy

Furthermore, some friends may inadvertently or intentionally enable the manipulative habits of your ex. They may share lies or play a part in the abusive dynamics. It’s crucial to distance yourself from such individuals to protect your well-being. They can act as a means for your ex to exert control and continue the abuse indirectly. By severing ties with them, you reduce their influence and protect yourself from further harm.

During your healing journey, focus on limiting communication with these mutual acquaintances and friends. Share as little as possible about your plans, such as therapy, business ventures, or personal goals. Keep your private life to yourself and avoid divulging too much information, especially to those who still maintain contact with your ex.


As time passes, you will gain clarity about who your true friends are, particularly once you have separated from the toxic relationship. Embrace the opportunity to discover new friends who align with your values and support your growth. If you ever feel lonely, resist the temptation to fall back into the company of those friends who maintain contact with your ex. Instead, seek out new interests, nurture your own personal development, and focus on building healthier relationships.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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