One of the most overlooked aspects of dating — or relationships in general — is the tendency to ignore the power of logic when choosing a potential partner.

You see, we talk so much about healing, dealing with our wounds, and all those deep emotional aspects when it comes to attracting unhealthy relationships or people with high self-esteem. But we often ignore — or even completely disregard — the power of logic. The truth is, more often than not, we simply date what is available.

These are the situations where you may have already worked on yourself and understood your boundaries, yet you still find yourself caught in a cycle of unhealthy partners. It might start with a one-night stand or a casual text from a colleague, but it eventually spirals into a full-blown situationship.

The Power of Convenience

It’s so easy and convenient to reach out to that neighbour, colleague, or your sibling’s friend — because that’s what’s been placed on your table. It’s like food: when you’re hungry, you eat what’s available. The same applies to relationships and connection. You naturally build bonds with the people in your immediate circle because it’s convenient.

You may have solid boundaries and the right mindset, but the “available” option can still end up feeling more appealing than what’s ideal. It’s not necessarily about having a scarcity mindset — it’s about access and exposure. And yet, we often overlook this simple aspect when reflecting on our relationship choices.

Our environment shapes most of our choices. The more we interact with someone, the more bonded we feel to them. We may discover shared interests — maybe we hang out at the same clubs or joints, listen to similar music — and it becomes easier to share parts of our day with them. Within that small sphere, attraction can naturally develop, simply because they’re the most available option in that moment.

Carnal Urges

Unless you’ve attained Buddhahood, you’ll likely still be tempted by normal carnal urges and desires — because, at the end of the day, we are human, and sexual connection is part of our nature.

Our carnal urges and desires tend to draw us toward the people we interact with most or have the most access to — and that’s relationship 101. If you constantly engage with people who don’t respect your boundaries or who are just plain assholes, the more likely you are to end up with one. Not necessarily because you chose them intentionally, but because you didn’t leave yourself a logical option or because those are the people you interact with everyday.

You may have a deep desire to get married or have kids — but if your circle is filled with people who haven’t done the inner work, you’re left with two options: either wait or expand your circle, or pick the “best” from what’s already available. Most people tend to choose the latter. Why? Because loneliness, hormones, and societal pressure can push us to settle or rush into the next phase of life.

But choosing the best of the worst doesn’t mean you’ve landed in a healthy relationship. It simply means your mind has rationalized the choice based on limited options.

The Busy Nature of Life

Another thing is, life gets busy — between work, making money, and handling responsibilities, most of us don’t have the luxury of spending 24 hours actively searching for the kind of partner we truly want.

A good example is a friend of mine who had really worked on himself and genuinely desired a healthy relationship. He met someone during a work trip. Since he’s focused on his career, the only way he really meets new people is through projects. They started chatting, one thing led to another, and soon they were in a relationship.

But here’s the catch — the “busyness” of his life meant he wasn’t exposed to a million options. So, he chose what looked good and available within the limited time and space he had. A year down the line, he realized he wasn’t in a healthy relationship after all, and he left.

That’s when we had this conversation — how sometimes, you logically give someone a chance simply because they’re the most available or closest to your circle. Not because they’re the right fit, but because they were there.

Not All About Mindset

So, it’s never really 100% about mindset. Sometimes, we need to logically step out of our usual spheres and intentionally expand our circles to truly see the possibilities that exist beyond what’s familiar. You might believe you’ve done the inner work and that you can “handle anything,” but we need to recognize that we operate within systems. Healing alone isn’t enough — you also need to cultivate your intelligence and awareness to see life from a broader perspective, not just from a place of emotional wounds.

As you grow and deepen your understanding of life, you’ll notice something: your circle of friends often becomes smaller. It tightens. And in that tightness, it can get lonely — especially at the “top.” It’s like a pyramid. The more your eyes open, the more you realize how many people around you have theirs closed.

And suddenly, finding a truly aligned partner becomes a logical challenge — not an emotional one.

That’s why it’s crucial to take strategic, logical steps: expand your circle, build new environments, and put yourself in spaces where your values are reflected and respected. Those circles could be logically fewer but if you really want it, you can cross borders or put more effort to finding them. Because if you keep fishing in the same small pond you fished in before you healed, you’ll keep pulling out the same kind of fish — even after you’ve healed.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.