Rethinking Boundaries Overcoming the Myth That Setting Boundaries Equates to Anger (Myth 5)

Today, we continue our discussion on some of the myths around setting and upholding healthy boundaries. Most of these myths are from the amazing book ‘Boundaries’ by Cloud Henry and John Townsend.

When you initially set boundaries, you may really feel you’re doing it as an act of retaliation for what those people around you have done to you.

You may think that setting boundaries is a sign that you’re angry with others or is fueled by the feelings of anger you have towards them. For example, when you stand up to your boss who’s been initially overloading you with a lot of workload, you may feel angry as you now come to terms with the injustice they’ve been putting you through.

You just feel furious that you’ve been taken advantage of all along, and deep inside, some feelings of bitterness will be echoing. Your friends or those who are feeling your boundaries may also add more fuel to these feelings of anger by telling you that you’ve changed and you’re not the kind of person they used to know. So, where does the anger come from? Is it because of these boundaries you’re now setting?

Anger is Not A Bad Thing

Anger, much like any other emotion, serves as a crucial signal within ourselves, guiding us to confront situations that may be detrimental to our well-being. It operates as an internal radar system, alerting us to potential violations of our boundaries or instances where we may be taken advantage of. Rather than dismissing anger as a disruptive force, it is beneficial to see it as a valuable messenger, prompting us to examine and address circumstances that need our attention.

Understanding anger in this light empowers us to navigate our emotions with purpose, using them as insightful indicators rather than mere disturbances.

Stuck Emotions

The boiling anger or feelings of resentment you have deep inside are not mostly because of you setting boundaries in the present moment. The anger you’re feeling now is both “new” and “old”. The “old” is the anger you’ve been carrying with you from the past injustices you’ve been put through.

So, when you set boundaries, you might experience feelings of rage because you’re triggering some of the suppressed feelings of anger you’ve been carrying in your heart. Your anger now is a product of all those years your boundaries have been violated, and you couldn’t express what you were feeling deep inside.

So, once you start expressing your boundaries, you’re actually dispelling the anger you’ve been carrying deep inside. That’s why initially you may feel so angry and furious.

This is a wonderful thing because you’re setting free that which has been holding you back. That’s how the truth will set you free; it sets free that which is not you. Having a deep understanding of your boundaries enables you to see and release those feelings you’re still carrying deep inside.


In conclusion, you may experience feelings of rage, and what you need to do is acknowledge that you’re letting go of the anger you’ve been carrying, which is a very good thing. The more you uphold healthy boundaries, the lighter your life becomes. It may look hard, and you will experience a whole range of emotions, but that really shows you’re growing to become better at setting and upholding healthy boundaries.

As you grow and have better boundaries, your anger will dissipate, and you will have more control over your life, which means anger will not arise in you when someone tries to violate your boundaries, as you will say no or stop them before they do it.

With healthy boundaries, you act responsibly, and without healthy boundaries, you react when they’ve violated the boundaries, which means you develop feelings of anger because of what they’ve done to you. Boundaries protect you from being victimized or help you understand when it is happening, which means you will not let those negative emotions grow in you.

For those of you eager to explore the intricate world of boundaries, I have an exciting announcement: our Boundaries course has officially launched! In this course, we will dive deeper into the art of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries in real time. You can expect in-depth insights, practical strategies, and a comprehensive understanding of how to navigate the intricacies of boundaries. Click on the link, and let’s embark on this journey to empower you with the tools to foster healthier, more fulfilling relationships and a better quality of life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.


  1. Cloud, Henry; Townsend, John. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life (p. 114- 118). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.
Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 838

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *