5 SIGNS YOU’VE BROKEN THE TRAUMA BOND 5 signs you’ve broken the trauma bond
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Trauma bonding is an unhealthy attachment that occurs with someone who has mistreated you. There’s this strange chemistry that makes a toxic relationship feel like home. It’s what makes someone crave their abusive partner, even when they consciously know of their abusive nature.

They just can’t stop themselves from rationalizing their behaviors or wanting them to change their habits, and they may even hide the abuse from their loved ones. One of the important aspects of healing is breaking the trauma bond and developing a healthy form of attachment in your relationships.

The trauma bond doesn’t end when you leave the relationship or go no contact; it persists until you go inward and break the bond. In this article, I am going to share some signs that you’ve broken the trauma bond after being in a toxic relationship.

  1. You No Longer Believe Their Apologies

One common occurrence after leaving a toxic relationship is receiving a fake apology from your abusive ex as they try to pull you back into the relationship. You’ll know you’ve broken the trauma bond if you see the apology for what it is — just a fake apology that you were used to receiving in the relationship.


You won’t even consider giving them another chance; you’ll be resolute in the understanding that their apologies mean nothing to you because you can see through them. Unlike before, where you’d believe the apology without scrutinizing the empty apologies you’ve received previously, you now understand that their apologies have never resulted in changed behavior.

2. You No Longer Rationalize Their Behaviors

You’ll know you’ve broken the trauma bond when you no longer make excuses for their actions or behaviors. You’ll see their undesirable behavior for what it is without feeling obligated to justify why they’re doing it or explaining that it’s not their fault.

When those close to you call out their behavior, you won’t become overly defensive. Your mind won’t be consumed with thoughts aimed at defending them for their actions and behaviors. You’ll recognize their behavior as abusive and nothing more. You won’t lower your standards or boundaries to accommodate their abusive behavior.

3. You No Longer Obsessively Think About Them or the Relationship
The third sign is that you will no longer have frequent thoughts about your abusive ex or your past relationship. You won’t constantly dwell on the good moments while ignoring the bad ones; those thoughts will seem like a distant memory.

You may still have occasional thoughts, but your mind won’t dwell on them. You won’t spend days on end thinking about the past or pondering what you could have done better to salvage the relationship. You’ll experience fewer “what if” moments.

You’ll have days when you don’t reminisce about the past, and when you do, you’ll simply find it amusing. You’ll be more present in your life without being preoccupied with memories of the past. You won’t care about what they’re doing with their lives or whether they text you or not; you just won’t think about them as much anymore.

4. You No Longer Want to Go Back to the Relationship
One thing is for sure, the trauma bond is what pulls you back to your abusive ex. The bond is so strong that you don’t even see them for their abusive nature; you simply crave them. When you’ve broken the trauma bond, you no longer have the urge or craving to return to them.

You won’t feel tethered to them, and the intense desire just to hear from them, which was present before, will have dissipated. You won’t constantly check your phone to see if they’ve texted or called you. You won’t be waiting for them to change so you can return to the relationship. You’ll deeply understand that they’re toxic, and their hot and cold behavior is no longer appealing to you.


You want something healthy and stable, not a rollercoaster. While you may have clung to the hope that they would change their behavior, once the bond is broken, that hope will fade away. You’re moving on and rebuilding your life without waiting for something that will never happen. You now realize that you were the only one who needed to change.

5. You Feel Liberated
The final sign that you’ve broken the trauma bond is that you feel lighter and free. You may experience a sense of inner peace that you’ve never felt before. Your energy levels are high, and you feel more alive. It’s like being unshackled from something that has held you back for a very long time. It’s akin to a caged bird that has been set free for the first time.

Your life is brimming with possibilities you never thought possible. You’re relieved that the nightmare is finally over, and you can move forward and build the life you deserve. With the trauma bond broken, you understand that nothing was holding you back. You’ve shifted from feeling powerless to being in control of your life.


Trauma bonding may make you believe you’re deeply in love with your abuser, causing you to neglect your own needs to focus on them. The bond is powerful, and without breaking it, you’ll find yourself either going back or falling into familiar patterns of unhealthy attachment because you can’t help it.

Breaking the bond means breaking the patterns of unhealthy attachment you’ve experienced in most of your relationships. You’ll be able to develop a healthy relationship with yourself and honor your boundaries. You’ll recognize your worthiness in a healthy form of attachment without feeling lost or like an imposter when you find yourself in a healthy relationship.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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