You’re Not Your Attachment Style

You’re Not Your Attachment Style you’re not your attachment style
Photo by Scott Sanker on Unsplash

Today, I’d like to talk about attachment styles, but I’m going to be sharing more specifically on why you are not your attachment style. Yes, attachment styles influence our relationship choices, but you are not defined by them.

In fact, just two months ago, I was interacting with a friend who had done the attachment style quiz. She was telling me that she’s an anxious attachment style, but I told her that she is not defined by her attachment style.

Attachment styles are actually patterns of behaviors and beliefs that we develop in childhood, shaping how we relate to others in intimate relationships. It’s important to note that we learn these patterns from our upbringing and they don’t define who we truly are. There are four attachment styles: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Each style has different characteristics.

The secure attachment style is characterized by having a positive view of oneself and others. Individuals with this style can establish healthy relationships, set boundaries, and are comfortable with intimacy, vulnerability, and saying no. They trust their partners, communicate openly, and provide support when needed.

The anxious-preoccupied attachment style is characterized by feeling insecure, craving reassurance, fearing rejection and abandonment, and exhibiting clinginess. People with this style may struggle with setting boundaries and seek validation from their partners.

The dismissive-avoidant attachment style is characterized by emotional distance, valuing independence and freedom, avoiding intimacy, vulnerability, and closeness. Expressing emotions and needs can be challenging for individuals with this style, and they may shy away from emotional intimacy.

The fearful-avoidant attachment style is a combination of anxious and avoidance tendencies. It is also known as disorganized attachment. People with this style desire closeness but fear getting hurt or rejected. They may unintentionally push others away and struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries and being vulnerable.

Now, here’s the important part: we often make the mistake of thinking that we are our attachment style. However, attachment styles are just symptoms and manifestations of our past experiences. They are not who we truly are the core of our being.

It’s like attaching what happened to us as a depiction of who we truly are. You are not your attachment style; you are beyond that. Your authentic self goes deeper than symptoms courtesy of past experiences.

Instead of solely looking for coping mechanisms or strategies to navigate relationships based on your attachment style, strive to address the root cause of those patterns. By working through the underlying beliefs and emotions developed from past experiences, you can transcend the attachment style and move towards a more secure attachment style.

It’s valuable to understand attachment styles, but always remember that they are just symptoms. The key is to address the root causes and work on challenging the aspects you think define you. By doing so, you will gain a deeper understanding of your authentic self, beyond your past experiences.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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