You’re Not What Happened to You

You’re Not What Happened to You you’re not what happened to you
Photo by Randy Jacob on Unsplash

Life is full of challenges, and these experiences mostly define who we are in the present moment. They mold our thinking and condition us to believe that we are defined by what is done to us. When we live life through this filter, we are limited in the things we do in our current life.

Many of us hold negative beliefs that have been with us since childhood. These beliefs develop from our experiences, interactions with others, and the messages we receive from our environment.

They can be about anything from our worthiness and attractiveness to our capacity for having happy and fulfilling lives and relationships. Depending on where you come from and how your life has transpired, these limiting beliefs can be so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize they’re there.

You may get glimpses when you realize that there’s this inherent or deep feeling that you’re not good enough, and there are inner blocks that stop you from taking the necessary steps to achieve what you want in life.

“You are in prison. If you wish to get out of prison, the first thing you must do is realize that you are in prison. If you think you are free, you can’t escape.” — G.I. Gurdjieff

For example, if you were raised in a household where your parents argued all the time or in a high-conflict society where healthy relationships are non-existent, especially when you were a child, you’re likely to develop negative beliefs around relationships.

These experiences sip into your mind, and you develop negative beliefs like “Relationships are all about perseverance,” “Marriage is eternal even when it’s hurtful,” or “Relationships are hard work.”

In instances where you were neglected or subjected to any kind of abuse, you will develop more solid beliefs on your unworthiness or unlovability. Maybe you had to do something to win your caregiver’s love and affection, or perhaps you had to lie to meet your survival needs as a child. When you constantly experience these actions as a child, you will normalize them and even think that that’s how life is supposed to be. You may believe that “you’re unworthy of respect,” “you deserve unhealthy relationships,” “you deserve the abuse,” or just anything that paints you as someone who doesn’t deserve anything good in life. After all, those on whom you depended when you were young showed you that way.

In adulthood, these unconscious beliefs are so powerful that they paralyze us or completely prevent us from taking action that upholds our well-being. They are more like stationary inner vehicles that keep us stuck in the mud, and we can’t seem to pull out of it. That’s why you may be feeling pain in your relationship, but those beliefs are unconsciously forcing you or coming up with rationalizations on why you have to make it work.

Those limiting beliefs feed you with a deep conviction that you are where you are supposed to be in life because you deserve it, and there’s nothing you can do about it. They render you powerless and hopeless in the present moment because that’s what you’ve become accustomed to.

We all have these beliefs to some degree, and how solid they are depends on how heavy your conditioning was and how extreme your experiences have been in life.

If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, your beliefs will be solidified because you will continue to sip in more and more beliefs from your partner. They may call you names, gaslight you, physically abuse you, or just do anything that reinforces the beliefs you already hold about relationships and yourself.

That’s why you will feel or be convinced that you’re not good enough or you’re powerless and hopeless in life, even when there is clear evidence to counter those claims.

You may have left the relationship or even withstood their emotional and psychological tortures, which is just a clear show of your resilience and power. You have given your best to protect your kids even without the support of the abuser or those around you, which shows that you’re an amazing parent. You’ve defied the odds and challenged socially-held norms by divorcing in a divorce-stigmatized society, which shows you’re strong enough to rise above oppressive beliefs.

Despite all these brave, courageous, and resilient displays, your subconscious beliefs will not let you see yourself for them because those beliefs are so deep-seated in who you think you are or your self-image.

The past is just keeping you stuck in a false identity, and that’s why you might try mantras or affirmations, but they may not work. Affirmations and mantras may work to a certain extent in the conscious level, but they may not penetrate the unconscious to dissolve those deeply ingrained beliefs, such as feeling that you’re not good enough. They will just be superimposed on top of unconscious beliefs (more like putting on clean clothes without taking a shower).

The good news is that these beliefs were learned, and the fact that they were learned means that you can relearn them. To truly change those subconscious beliefs, we need to work on addressing the root causes of these beliefs. We need to work on bringing the unconscious to the conscious, and that’s what we do with Mind Shifting. It clears the problems by dealing with the root identifications that cause those negative beliefs.

When you deal with the unconscious, you make them conscious and once you see them, you’re able to live life more presently without the past experiences defining you or limiting your scope. You are not what happened to you, your filter has just been distorted by your experiences and upbringing.

Replace your filter and you will see your true potential or what you can possibly do without those false thoughts and inner blockages blocking your way. How far can you go in a road without road blocks? Infinitely far. Empower yourself to challenge your conditioning and beliefs so that you can live a life of bliss, lightness and freedom.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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