When Your Abusive Partner Becomes Nice

When Your Abusive Partner Becomes Nice when your abusive partner becomes nice
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When dealing with abusive people, our expectations of them tend to align with their negative behaviors. We often anticipate further mistreatment, control, and manipulation. However, it is important to acknowledge that even in these challenging dynamics, there can be moments of apparent kindness or generosity.

These moments of kindness can be perplexing and contradictory, especially considering the overall pattern of abusive behavior. For example, the abuser may suddenly plan and take you on a vacation for a few days, something they have never done before. They might surprise you with gifts or even provide financial assistance, which they have previously withheld. They might also compliment you for something you’ve done.

The intention behind these acts of kindness can vary. In some cases, the abuser may genuinely want to make amends or repair the relationship temporarily. They may recognize that their behavior has caused strain or resistance from their victim, and by offering acts of kindness, they aim to regain control or manipulate the situation. This strategy can be particularly effective because it creates confusion and hope, making it harder for you to break away from the abusive cycle.


Scarcity Leads to Exaggeration

Another possibility is that you might be exaggerating the abuser’s actions as being loving and gentle. Sometimes, the niceness you perceive from them could be as simple as them cooking a meal for you. Since such acts have been rare, your mind tends to magnify their significance. It’s similar to being in a desert and receiving a drop of water — you’ll greatly appreciate it. In toxic relationships, genuine kindness is so scarce that even a small display of affection can appear grandiose and lead you to overestimate its importance.

Focus on the Years of Mistreatment

It is essential to approach these acts of kindness with caution and critical thinking. While they may seem like positive gestures on the surface, it is crucial to consider the underlying motives behind them. Are they sincere efforts to change and improve the relationship, or are they strategic moves to maintain control? Understanding the manipulative tactics employed by the abuser can help you navigate these moments more effectively.

Furthermore, it is important not to let these sporadic acts of kindness overshadow or excuse the consistent pattern of abusive behavior. These acts should not be seen as a sign of genuine change or an indication that the relationship is healthy. The focus should remain on the overall dynamic, where the abuser inflicts pain, control, and harm for the majority of the time.


Ask yourself why you remain stuck in a situation where they are nice rarely but hurt you frequently. By prioritizing the days of hurt, you’ll gather the strength to break away from a situation where you settle for less. Don’t settle for constant pain. Seek a place where, although there might be occasional challenges, you experience more kindness, freedom, love, and joy.

So, shift your focus to the bigger picture. Rather than fixating on the breadcrumbs, concentrate on finding a path that offers a more fulfilling life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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