Healing: It’s in the Feeling, Not the Blaming

Healing: It’s in the Feeling, Not the Blaming Healing
Photo by Birger Strahl on Unsplash

When you’ve been through the hands of someone who did unimaginable things to you, it’s very tempting to get stuck in a blame game. It can be your friend, your abusive ex, your parents, or just anyone close to you who has constantly caused harm in your life. It may seem legitimate to keep blaming them for what they did and even live hoping that justice will be served one day on this earth, and if you’re a believer, you know it will be served in heaven or in the afterlife.

It may even feel a bit relieving to blame them and do more research on the pathology of their behaviour so that you can also blame their past. For example, you may do some research only to realize that your abuser developed those hurtful behaviours because of their horrific childhood. Now you end up blaming their parents for raising them like that or for your abuser’s horrible behaviour. It’s just a constant cycle of blame which may have no end.

It may seem comforting because you’re not looking at who really needs to take full responsibility here. It’s the path of least resistance when we look at others as the cause of the problems we have in our lives.

This means that instead of us taking corrective measures to salvage the situation, we get stuck blaming the one who caused the problems. As a result, you will not be facing the pile of discomfort and responsibilities you have to work on.

When you’re stuck in a blame game, it’s like staying at your friend’s place because your own place is dirty, and then you end up ignoring your own place and basking in the cleanliness of your friend’s place. It’s comfortable since you’re not seeing the pile of dirt in your own place, but that pile of dirt will keep piling up, and ultimately, you have to return to that place.

Blaming Will Provide A Temporary Relief

That’s what it feels like to keep blaming others — it’s very easy, but it will never take the pain away. Temporarily, it may look better, but in the long run, it causes more harm in your life.

Your mind also loves keeping you stuck in blame because it knows that if you keep blaming the world, your ex, or everyone else, you will forever be stuck in that identity. And that’s the familiar spot that looks safe for you.

But the only way to achieve true healing is by feeling the discomfort that has already been inflicted in your life by those you’re blaming. It’s about feeling what’s deep inside you and asking yourself questions like: Who will benefit if you blame them? How are you feeling? Is it resentment? Is it shame? Betrayal? Sit with those uncomfortable emotions because that’s where the magic happens.

Healing isn’t about feeling good all the time; it’s about acknowledging the feelings that are present and allowing yourself to experience them. By experiencing or processing those emotions, you’re like washing away that layer of dirt that prevents you from getting in touch with the authentic you. But when you blame, you’re adding another layer of dirt.

This doesn’t mean you’re letting your abuser off the hook. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It just means you’re choosing to focus on the one thing you can actually change — yourself. It may not seem easy, but in the long run, it’s easier and less burdensome to carry little or no weight from the past into your present life.

You will go far when you stop blaming and take full responsibility for your life. You will achieve that unshakeable inner comfort that can withstand most external circumstances beyond your control.

So, stop blaming and start feeling if you want to get to the gem which has just been clouded by pain.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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