Feeling Guilty for Going No contact

Feeling Guilty for Going No contact feeling guilty for going no contact
Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

The ‘No Contact’ is all about cutting off all ties with those people who make life harder for you. This can be your abusive partner, your family, your children or just anyone who you feel that the more you interact with them, the more your wellbeing deteriorates.

When you’re going no contact from an abusive relationship, you are doing it for you. It’s a great step towards your healing and it’s not one of the easiest to execute. You may be feeling indebted to them, you may be trauma-bonded or addicted to them and the thought of cutting them off is so unbearable.

You may prefer suffering and keeping in touch with them instead of going ‘no contact’ and finding inner peace because you’re just so used to them. You practice no contact for the sake of your own inner peace and if there’s one thing that will hinder your no contact is feelings of guilt about practicing no contact.

You will feel bad about yourself or even think that you’re heartless for not talking to them. When you block the abuser, it may look like you lack empathy and you’re in fact treating the abuser coldly. Those people around you may also question your intentions especially if they don’t understand what you’ve been through.

It’s the point where advice like there’s no need of blocking them or just talk to them make you really feel like you’re the one who’s being abusive. You may also start comparing your no contact with the silent treatment they normally gave you in the course of the relationship.

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Another is, your toxic partner or parent may also guilt trip you to believe that what you’re doing is wrong. Imagine, going ‘no contact’ with your ‘parent’? It’s looks really absurd, right? The common notion is this feeling of obligation towards family especially your parents. So, the thought of cutting them off will really make you feel guilty because we’re just heavily conditioned.

Your mind will be feeding you with all lies of how you are such a bad person for cutting your family off. That’s why it’s not easy to really cut them off, you can do it but the sense of obligation and duty will still eat you from the inside.

You will be labelled as selfish and uncaring yet all you’re doing is just safeguarding your inner peace. You might start beating yourself up or even people will isolate you because you’re being ‘inconsiderate.’ You cut off your manipulative family for your own inner peace but instead of it leading to inner peace, it’s leading to emotional disturbance instead.

You’re even tempted to just call them back and apologize because you really feel you’ve done something very wrong. Yet, all you’ve done is just for like for the first time in your life, you’re starting to prioritize your inner peace. That’s why you’ll feel guilty for practicing no contact, no one else is doing it, most people are against you and it just feels ‘so wrong/abusive.’

The Difference Between the Silent Treatment and the No Contact Rule

No contact and silent treatment may have similarities in terms of it involving lack of communication between you and another party. However, the main difference between silent treatment and going no contact is intentionality. You go no contact to protect your inner peace and to gain freedom from manipulation and abuse.

You do it so that you can get time to process the pain those you’ve cut off have inflicted on you. It’s not about them, it’s about you creating space for your own healing and self-protection. On the other hand, silent treatment is mostly about someone using silence as a tool of control.

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A manipulative person may go silent on you so that you can do something for them or you feel bad about something. It’s all about the awkward silence coercing you to do as they wish. It’s not about seeking inner peace, it’s about disturbing your ‘peace.’ It plays on your fear of abandonment making you lower your boundaries.

Conclusion

You’ll feel guilty for going no contact but you still got to do it. It will really hurt to do it because you’re used to those environments where you’re being demeaned. You’re doing it for you, you’re doing it so that you can really go deeper and break free from the conditioning. It doesn’t really matter how close you’re to that person you’re cutting off, always prioritize your own well-being.

When you really feel guilty and you can’t do it, just know that that’s not your true voice, it’s the voice of your negative beliefs. Your mind will give you a million justifications on why you should not do it and why you’re being ‘hateful’, selfish or being a ‘sinner’ for cutting off your family but do not listen to it because those thoughts are just distorted as they are now.

To really ease up the guilt of going no contact, you can look at it as an exploration or a journey of self-discovery to heal your pain. Once you heal that pain, you can now come back to answer those complex questions like “Is it really okay to go no contact with my parents?”

But you’ll be answering them from your own perspective, a healed perspective, with clarity without pain getting in the way. You’ll not be listening to second-hand answers from others, you’ll be having a firsthand perspective on how to live your life without pain impairing your judgment.

You’ll be able to see that those false beliefs you’ve accumulated from your life experiences are just what make you feel guilty and if you keep going in your journey of growth you’ll realize that actually the sense of duty you have towards your ‘loved ones’ is just ugly and imprisoning.


Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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