Consistency Is Not Enough to Heal from Abuse?

Consistency Is Not Enough to Heal from Abuse? consistency is not enough to heal from abuse?
Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash

Some of the most common responses I receive from my clients and articles are along the lines of, “I have been working on myself consistently for the past couple of years” or “I have been practicing self-care religiously since I left the relationship” or “I have been consistently educating myself” or “I have been practicing ‘no contact’ for 2 years”… but I still feel empty, lonely, angry at myself, miss them, or even feel dead inside.

So, the question is, is consistency alone enough to deal with all these negative emotions or to permanently transform your life? Consistency in doing something that offers temporary relief does not necessarily mean transformative change in our identity or deeply held beliefs about ourselves.

You may be consistent with your actions and habits, but you are still operating from a false identity and holding false beliefs about yourself. Therefore, your actions stem from “who you think you are,” which inevitably keeps you stuck in the perception of that identity. (Read more on protective self).

Throughout your life, you have become accustomed to negative thoughts and beliefs that limit your freedom and life experiences. So, while you may be consistent in your actions, that consistency still keeps you confined within your false identity.


Imagine being inside a prison with high walls. Consistency is like walking along the same path within those walls, doing the same things over and over again. While it may provide a sense of structure and familiarity, it doesn’t change the fact that you are still confined within the prison.

Consistency in certain actions, such as maintaining “no contact,” is important for your healing journey, but it does not automatically free you from the emotional prison created by your subconscious beliefs. Even if you’re following the right steps, you may still feel bad about yourself. This is because our inner beliefs can act like prison walls, trapping us in negative thoughts and self-judgment.

In short, you can be consistent with healthy actions, but you are still operating within the confines of prison walls, which means you may think you’re free, but you’re still surviving with prison food, and your freedom is limited. This is what happens when you don’t break free from those limiting beliefs you have collected from your past experiences.

To experience genuine healing and transformation, we must recognize that our current actions are probably in alignment with our false identities and beliefs. These beliefs are often deeply ingrained in our subconscious, shaped by our past experiences, societal influences, and our own interpretations of events. These beliefs build walls that prevent us from fully perceiving the world around us.

Simply being consistent in our actions without challenging and transforming these underlying beliefs keeps us confined within the limitations of our own perceptions. We may continue to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors or struggle with unresolved emotional wounds, despite our consistent efforts to heal.

Healing requires a willingness to step outside the comfort zone of our existing beliefs and confront the thoughts, emotions, and experiences that contribute to our pain. It involves questioning the validity of our limiting beliefs, exploring alternative perspectives, and challenging the narratives that hold us back.

In conclusion, consistency is amazing, but only when you challenge your negative beliefs and address the underlying foundational problems that affect the quality of your life or limit your scope of life. Always remember that you may be out of jail, but you are still confined within the prison walls.

Keep working on it until you experience genuine transformation where you actively challenge and transform these limiting beliefs, allowing yourself to break free from the confines of your own perceptions. By doing so, you open yourself up to new possibilities, deeper healing, and a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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