Boundaries 101: What Boundaries Are Not Part 2

Boundaries 101: What Boundaries Are Not Part 2 boundaries 101: what boundaries are not part 2

Today, we continue our discussion on what boundaries are not. In the first part of the article (you can read first part of article here), we shared insights on how boundaries are not walls or barriers, punishment or a form of revenge, a tool of control and manipulation, as well as not being permanent or inflexible. Now, let’s proceed to explore more about what boundaries are not.

“Boundaries are a beautiful way to take care of ourselves.” — Melody Beattie

  1. Excuses for avoidance or isolation

Boundaries, when properly understood and applied, are not mechanisms for isolation or a means to withdraw from others. Instead, they are tools that help you navigate the complex terrain of relationships in a way that ensures your emotional and psychological well-being. Setting boundaries is about defining the limits of what is acceptable and comfortable in your interactions with others, but it doesn’t necessarily imply cutting off ties or isolating yourself. It’s not about isolating yourself at home or pushing people away to maintain your boundaries; instead, it’s about being inclusive while prioritizing and fulfilling your emotional needs. For instance, in a friendship, setting boundaries may involve establishing certain guidelines for respecting each other’s time and personal space. This doesn’t mean ending the friendship; rather, it’s about maintaining a healthy dynamic that respects each person’s needs.

  1. One-Size-Fits-All

Boundaries are inherently personal and subjective, tailored to the unique values, needs, and preferences of each person. What is acceptable and comfortable for one person may not necessarily align with the boundaries of another. For instance, you may be comfortable with affectionate physical contact as a form of greeting, while someone else may prefer a handshake. This difference in boundaries doesn’t imply that one person’s approach is right and the other’s is wrong; it highlights the individuality of boundaries and the importance of respecting and acknowledging these differences in interpersonal relationships. Boundaries reflect one’s personal values and comfort zones, making them highly individualized and not suitable for a one-size-fits-all approach.

  1. Selfish or Mean

Boundaries are often misunderstood as acts of selfishness or rudeness, but in reality, they are essential for maintaining healthy and respectful relationships. Setting boundaries is not about prioritizing one’s own needs at the expense of others, but rather about creating a balanced and considerate interaction. It’s a way of clearly communicating what is acceptable and comfortable in any given relationship while showing respect for the boundaries of others. For example, consider a scenario in which a close friend consistently calls you late at night, disrupting your sleep and personal time. Setting a boundary by explaining your need for undisturbed rest isn’t a selfish or mean act. It’s a way to protect your well-being and maintain a healthy friendship while addressing the issue respectfully.


In conclusion, boundaries are not mechanisms of isolation or avoidance or acts of selfishness; they are the embodiment of freedom and responsibility in our relationships and our lives. By setting boundaries, we exercise the freedom to define how we engage with others, prioritizing our well-being while respecting theirs. It is a measure of our growth and our willingness to coexist peacefully with others while simultaneously nurturing our mental well-being.

They keep the good in and keep the bad out. So, always remember that you’re doing it for yourself, and what you do will be a great lesson or an eye-opener to those around you and the generations to come. If you live a boundaryless life, you will encourage all sorts of characters to take advantage of you, and you will end up exhausted and depleted in your interactions. With healthy boundaries, you’re replenishing your reserves and giving yourself that which you can share inexhaustibly.

And for those of you eager to delve deeper into the world of boundaries, I have an exciting announcement: watch out for my upcoming Boundaries Course, launching in a few weeks’ time. It will provide you with in-depth insights and practical strategies to master the art of healthy boundaries. Stay tuned for more details!

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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