8 Signs You’re Suffering from Abuse Aftershock

8 Signs You’re Suffering from Abuse Aftershock 8 signs you’re suffering from abuse aftershock
Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

The aftermath of a narcissistic relationship is a place where you have a lot going on in your mind about your past, present and future. You’re still shocked about what you went through and how you are going to pick yourself up.

The breakup is harder to deal with than a normal relationship because you were always on toes in that abusive relationship. When you were in the relationship, you were distracted from the abuse which was happening through constant mind games and drama that you barely had time to be able to comprehend what was happening on a daily basis.

It’s like being in a job where you’re so busy that you don’t even know what you’re doing anymore or if you’re hurting yourself. It’s a relationship where you just do what they say without even logically giving a second thought because you’ve been manipulated and your reality has been distorted. So, when the relationship ends it sends you in ripples because you’re starting to see what you were not able to see.

It’s like you were in a coma (numbness and ‘blurred vision’) but now the relationship has ended and you’re regaining consciousness and your vision which leaves you in utter shock. In this article, I am going to share with you 8 signs that you’re suffering from abuse aftershock so that can understand that it’s a normal occurrence and the tremor will pass.

8 Signs you’re Suffering from Abuse Aftershock

1. You Feel so Exhausted

You feel so tired and fatigued and you’re struggling with even doing the basic things like waking up, eating or even taking a walk. You were fatigued in the relationship but you couldn’t see it because you were so busy walking on egg shells but now the relationship is over, you now realize how tired you are. You may even feel like you don’t have any energy to push through the day or your life force has been sucked out of you.


2. Constantly Playing the Tape

You also find yourself constantly playing the tape about what happened in the relationship without really getting clear answers. You may have read about narcissism but you still feel there is something you should have done to keep the relationship or to stop them from changing. You even have mental images of scenarios where you feel you did something ‘wrong’ and you should have done better. It’s just obsessively thinking about those days without any form of closure.

3. Intense Negative Feelings

You’re experiencing deep feeling of worthlessness, ‘dirty’, heartbreak, ashamed, deep self-hatred as well as other negative feelings which take over your day. You rarely have glimpses of happiness and when it comes, you feel that you don’t even deserve it or it lasts for a few seconds. The negative emotions will be more painful because you’re experiencing a new wave of negative emotions like loneliness and grief as well as those emotions you were bottling while you were in that relationship.

4. Questioning your Sanity

You think you’re going crazy and you’re losing it. You can’t come to terms with the fact that you still ‘love’ or care for someone who’s that abusive and manipulative. You just can’t understand how you cannot just stop thinking about them or wanting them back. Like, how can a ‘normal’ human being still miss an abusive person. You feel that your actions and behaviors doesn’t make sense at all (logically it doesn’t make sense, because you’re so traumatized so your thinking brain is ‘foggy’).

5. Indecisiveness

You’re struggling to make basic decisions in life, like choosing what you will have for dinner. You second-guess yourself or you even seek advice from someone else because you cannot just decide on your own. You just feel that you lack the ability to stand up and make your own decisions or you will make the wrong decision regardless of the choice you pick.

6. Panic Attacks

You just feel so unsafe and scared even when there’s no apparent danger. You might have a racing heart, sweating, difficulty in breathing or feeling choked without any clear cause.

7. Very Fearful About the Future

You have deep fear and feel so nervous about what may happen in your life. You are so afraid of what your abusive ex might do to you and how you are going to move on with your life when there’s no one you can trust. You are just feeling helpless and hopeless of what’s going to happen in your life. Will you be able to pull through on your own? Will you have support or will you even get a job? Will you even have money for your own basic needs?

8. You Just Want to Be Alone

You just want to isolate and be left alone. You don’t even want to be with your loved ones. You just want to be by yourself as you feel they can’t understand. You prefer just locking yourself up and not even hearing from them. Even when they’re showing good intentions in your healing, you just can’t stand them. It’s such a drag just engaging with others or even doing something you loved doing. The only thing you want is to just close the door.

So, Why Does Aftershock Happen?

When you’re in that narcissistic relationship, you bury a lot of things just below the surface so that you can cope with the pain. The relationship is itself is painful but it is still a distraction from the pain you’re going through. Now once you leave the relationship, all the traumas you’ve been burying are now coming back to haunt you.


The traumas or all the unprocessed painful emotions from last week, last month to last year are now exploding in your face. That’s why there is this tremor deep within you even after the earthquake (the narcissistic relationship) has left.

Those emotions and wounds are now craving your attention and want to be healed. An aftershock is a normal experience and that’s why you feel that you’re facing a lot of what you did not understand while you were in the relationship. So, use this opportunity to now find a safe space to release your painful emotions that you’ve been carrying with you. You are now out of the relationship and it’s safe to drop that heavy emotional baggage that’s stopping your from being in touch which your emotional being.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns (in less than 2 months) , then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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