“Let’s give love a chance,” she said.

“I’ll never do it again. I was just drunk or under the influence,” he said. “I don’t want to ruin this relationship. It just happened,” they said.

How many times have we given them second chances? And not just second meaning twice or two, but infinite chances in the name of love or hope, only for them to do the same thing again or change for a short while before slipping back into old patterns

It’s quite a common theme in our relationships. One partner does something hurtful, apologizes, and sometimes even seeks outside help from a therapist, their pastor, sibling, or anyone they believe can mend that broken bridge. And we, in the spirit of love or loyalty or commitment, give them another chance.

While it’s perfectly okay to give someone a chance, we have to first consider some of the main factors that determine whether you should give them one.

Of course, chances are mostly given for changed behaviour or when your partner has shown a genuine desire to change. But still, change is personal, and true change is driven by that person’s genuine will to do it. Sometimes, we may celebrate or over-glorify a small, impulsive change we see in them after a wrongdoing and quickly give them another chance.

But after a few weeks, they do the same thing again, and then you give them another chance. The cycle goes on and on, and you start to wonder what you really need to do to bring about permanent change in them or in the relationship.

Now, this is where a better perspective on giving chances needs to be considered. You’re not really giving your partner a chance; you’re giving yourself one. You’re choosing whether you want to tag along in that situation.

So, it’s never really about you giving them a chance because they’ve changed, apologized, or sought repentance from your pastor. It’s about you giving yourself a chance because you understand your boundaries, you have your ultimatums clear, and you’re not being deluded by the fear of losing that relationship or the investment you’ve spent years building.

Actually, most people give chances not because of love, but because of the fear of being left alone or the fear of losing something they’ve built over a long time. 

When you’re operating from fear, that same fear will drive you to ignore the reality of what’s happening, as you dread the consequences of not being in the relationship more than anything else. You will be viewing things through a desperate lens, and that desperate lens will lead you to desperate decisions, like giving someone who is manipulative a thousand chances.

But when you give yourself a chance, you’re choosing yourself. 

You’re choosing whether the current version of you is still susceptible to those fears or the manipulative tactics used by shady characters who apologize, cry about it, but never do any meaningful work to change their behaviour.

In conclusion, give yourself a chance once you understand your limits and understand yourself in that moment. Let those actions, or let’s call them wrongdoings by your partner, be a shock that wakes you up and helps you gain situational awareness or scrutiny of the relationship you’re in.

Maybe those things you’re seeing have been happening for a while, but now the universe is sending a sign for you to check yourself and look at what’s really happening. 

By looking within and being honest with yourself, you will know whether you’re giving them a chance out of fear or delusion, or because you’re consciously choosing to give it a shot for yourself and not for the “relationship.”

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.