What Do You Do When your Abusive Ex or Your Partner Claims They’ve Changed?

What Do You Do When your Abusive Ex or Your Partner Claims They’ve Changed? what do you do when your abusive ex or your partner claims they’ve changed?
Photo by Ricky Kharawala on Unsplash

A common scenario that often arises when you are on the verge of leaving or have already left an abusive relationship is when your partner attempts to convince you that they have changed their behavior. This situation can be challenging to navigate because, on one hand, you may desperately want to believe that your partner has genuinely transformed and that there is hope for a healthier relationship. On the other hand, you may have reservations and doubts based on the painful experiences you endured in the past.

It’s important to approach such claims of change with caution and take the time to evaluate the situation objectively. It’s natural to feel conflicted and uncertain about whether to give your partner another chance or to maintain your distance.

So, what do you do when you’re torn between the desire to preserve the relationship and the need to leave? I understand that a straightforward “no” may not be easy because the relationship has caused you to doubt yourself significantly, and you may find it hard to believe anyone who claims that your partner is lying.


Be Skeptical

One of the first and most crucial steps when faced with claims of change from an abusive ex-partner is to adopt a skeptical mindset and not readily believe their words. This skepticism is necessary to protect yourself and avoid falling back into a potentially harmful situation.

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Here are a few reasons why it is important to approach their claims with skepticism:

1. Preservation of personal safety: Your safety and well-being should be your top priority. Abusive relationships can have long-lasting emotional and physical effects, and believing false claims of change can put you at risk of further harm. It is essential to prioritize your own safety and take necessary precautions before considering any reconciliation.

2. Recognizing manipulation tactics: Abusers often employ manipulative tactics to regain control over you. They may use promises of change as a means to lure you back into the relationship. By approaching their claims with skepticism, you can better identify if they are employing manipulative tactics and protect yourself from being emotionally manipulated once again.

3. Verifying genuine change: True change requires more than mere words. It involves consistent actions, accountability, and a sincere commitment to personal growth. By being skeptical, you can avoid falling for empty promises and instead assess whether their behaviors align with their claims of change. Look for concrete evidence of their efforts to address their abusive tendencies, such as seeking therapy (you can even reach out the therapist to confirm this), attending support groups, or actively working on their personal development.

Skepticism does not mean completely closing yourself off from the possibility of change. It means approaching the situation with caution, gathering evidence, and prioritizing your own well-being. Asking what they have done to change and assessing the authenticity of their response is crucial. Remember, you shouldn’t be afraid to lose them. A healthy relationship involves being willing to let go when necessary.


Have You Changed?

The second thing you need to consider is whether you have changed as a person yourself. Ask yourself if you have undergone any significant changes since being in that abusive relationship. Have you worked on building your self-esteem, setting boundaries, and healing from the past?

If you haven’t worked on yourself or established boundaries, you might be tempted to immediately accept their claim without scrutinizing it. Loneliness or fear of missing out can cloud your judgment.

However, before responding, it’s essential to be honest with yourself and ask if you have truly changed since the last time you were with your ex. If you haven’t addressed your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and lack of boundaries, going back to the relationship will likely lead to the same abusive situation.

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What Kept You in The Relationship in the First Place?

There are genuine reasons why you found yourself trapped in that abusive relationship. Without seeking proper therapy and engaging in deep self-reflection, you run the risk of repeating the same patterns if you simply accept your partner’s claim of change without thorough scrutiny.

It’s crucial to acknowledge that abusive relationships often stem from complex dynamics and underlying issues, including low self-esteem, codependency, and a lack of healthy boundaries. By diving into therapy and engaging in self-reflection, you can gain a deeper understanding of these factors and work towards breaking free from those harmful patterns.

By understanding yourself and your boundaries, as well as what it takes to uphold them, you can save yourself years of waiting for change to reveal itself.

Don’t be swayed by the allure of an easy path or quick fixes. Instead, invest in your own growth and healing, allowing yourself the opportunity to build a healthier and more fulfilling future. Conclusion

When faced with a manipulative individual, it’s crucial to respond firmly and assertively to their claims of change. However, since providing a direct “no” may not always be straightforward, you can take certain steps to solidify your stance. Simply accepting their word without scrutiny and disregarding past experiences is not advisable. It is important to emphasize the significance of skepticism and self-assessment, as they contribute to achieving closure and confirming the validity of their claims of change.

It’s essential to recognize that, in most cases, returning to an abusive ex is not the optimal choice. Moving forward and finding forgiveness becomes challenging without profound personal growth and the release of anger and resentment associated with past experiences. Rather than accepting their words at face value, prioritize self-reflection, self-care, and personal development. Make decisions that prioritize your own well-being and seek out healthier, more fulfilling relationships.


Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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