Have you ever found yourself feeling bored in a relationship that others would call healthy—or one you’d consider ‘normal’?

Chances are a friend or potential partner approaches you, and at first, everything feels normal. But soon, you find the relationship boring. There’s no spark, no excitement. They don’t manipulate you. They don’t take you on a roller coaster of emotions. Instead, they respect your boundaries and even point out areas in your life where you can improve—like your finances, your health or becoming a better mother. And it’s all good, actually as the relationship is nurturing you the way a healthy relationship is supposed to be. You realize you’ve landed yourself in a healthy, supportive relationship.

But after a few weeks or a couple of months, you find yourself feeling bored. You start thinking you don’t love them, or rather, your mind convinces you that they’re not “the one.” The truth is—they haven’t done anything wrong. They’ve simply been authentic or being themselves all the time. Yet every bone in your body feels uncomfortable.

That’s what it’s like when you haven’t fully processed your past hurts or relationships. You’ll easily get bored when something is overflowing with goodness, and you’ll feel a strange excitement when something mirrors the dysfunction you’ve come to believe you deserve.

You may feel unworthy of a healthy relationship. You may feel unworthy of respect and all those amazing things good human beings do for each other—like supporting one another’s growth. The authentic part of you on the inside knows it, but your identities—or rather, your false identities—do not.

You see, when your mind is used to chaos and has not yet processed those chaos, you will perceive chaos as the more comfortable environment, so you will easily sabotage a healthy relationship because it feels boring. They may not sweep you off your feet by intensely love-bombing you, but they will be respectful and even offer you space—and because you’re deeply insecure, you might interpret that space as them being distant or not ready for commitment. So, your inner chaos will search every nook and cranny to prove that a healthy relationship is actually unhealthy.

That’s how contradictory it is when you haven’t processed past hurts. Healthy friendships, relationships, and anything good will be thrown under the bus in favour of unhealthy situations.

Healthy Relationship is Like a Plateau

You see, a healthy relationship is more of a plateau; it is steady, consistent, and mostly quiet. It lacks those extreme highs and lows that trauma bonds create. It may have peaks, but the distance between the peaks and the flat surface is not very far apart.

Because of this, you might believe your partner isn’t really into you—but the truth is, you’re not fully into yourself yet.

You’re still carrying a lot of baggage that is preventing you from getting in touch with your ‘boring’ self, or rather, your authentic self. So, when the recipient of the peace is unhealthy, they will unconsciously reject what is healthy and focus on people who start off intensely to hook them in, only to consciously or unconsciously take advantage of them afterwards.

So, it’s not really possible to maintain a healthy relationship when you’re unhealthy on the inside. In one way or another, you will ruin the “boring” relationship and jump into that adrenaline ride your chaotic self is longing for. You will even unconsciously make the relationship unhealthy because your driving forces are your lack of awareness, your insecurities, and all that baggage.

Why do you then stick to a healthy relationship early on?

You may stick to that healthy relationship for a month or so because it’s still new, and new equals exciting—and excitement pumps you up. But when the excitement fades or when you start hitting the plateaus, your mind will begin scrutinizing for red flags, even when there aren’t any. It’s all about gathering evidence to reinforce what you deeply believe about yourself.

As you know, what you believe drives your actions and behaviours, and because you believe you don’t deserve a healthy relationship, your actions and behaviours will gravitate toward the unhealthy side.

Sure, you may consciously say that you deserve good things or healthy relationships, but when your unconscious mind doesn’t feel safe—even when it’s consciously safe—it will still choose the familiar, because the mind equates familiarity with safety. Unless you break free from this by bringing the unconscious into awareness, you will continue to ruin the good things and hold on to the bad things in your life.

The good news is, awareness is the first step to breaking this vicious cycle of attracting the unhealthy. When you bring your unconscious patterns to light, you open the door to truly healthy, supportive and fulfilling relationships.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.