One of the common myths many trauma survivors hold is the belief that they need to narrate each and every instance of their childhood or traumatic past in order to heal.

Actually, that myth is one of the common reasons people avoid the healing journey or going inwards altogether — they fear facing their inner demons. The thought of narrating their entire ordeal feels too heavy to bear, or they get stuck on that nagging feeling of, “I’m not ready to work on it yet” or “I am not strong enough yet”. They may end up choosing to take a substance, say alcohol or weed, to help, as it offers them that temporary relief.

So, you end up logically comparing the pain of facing your inner wounds versus how you’re feeling in the current moment, and you realize that it’s better to just ignore them altogether, as in the present, you’ve already moved away from that traumatic situation. So why talk about something that may seem so painful to bear?

That’s what trauma denial looks like — you either minimize or avoid it altogether. It can happen consciously, but it’s mostly an unconscious coping mechanism your mind adopts to protect you from the traumatic event.

Actually, in the early stages of that traumatic event, trauma denial — or your mind shielding you from those painful experiences — can even allow you to get on with your life.

When the pain is compartmentalized, you’ve pushed it far away into the basement, and for a moment, you will feel some relief. You will have a sense of control over your situation, and you may even experience a surface-level feeling of hope for the life ahead.

But as you keep going on with your life, some of the aspects you buried will still manifest in your present life through hidden symptoms — such as some autoimmune diseases, unexplained emotions, acne, or some form of addictive behaviour.

Now, that same nagging thought — ‘the pain is too much to bear’ — is what keeps you away from the therapist’s office, as your mind has convinced you that you’re better off not sharing because it’s too painful. It’s convincing you that way to shield — or rather protect — you from recalling those painful sensations.

Paradox of Unhealed Trauma

That’s the paradox of unhealed trauma and denial: your mind wants to deny it to protect you, but at the same time, by denying or suppressing it further, it keeps you stuck with the imprints of those traumatic memories — manifesting as symptoms in your current life, like feelings of hopelessness, intense anxiety, hypervigilance, paranoia, migraines, and all those behaviours that don’t feel normal.

The mind can sneakily minimize your experiences, and it can sound like: ‘It wasn’t a big deal, I’ve moved on,’ ‘That happened a long time ago, I’m over it now,’ ‘I’ve forgotten about the past,’ or the common one: ‘What happened in the past stays in the past — let’s not talk about it.’

All those clever traps keep you from facing yourself, preventing you from fully overcoming the pain for good — or from making peace with what has never been resolved.

So, where do you start?

The first step is understanding that — contrary to popular belief — you don’t need to recall everything or narrate the entire scene in order to heal. You don’t even need to remember exactly when it happened. That’s a relief, right?

You don’t have to carry the fear of being retraumatized or worry that talking about it will make the pain worse.

Retraumatizing Can Happen When You’re Not Dealing with the Root Cause

However, you can get retraumatized if you’re not addressing the root cause. You might find yourself circling around the wound — talking about the pain over and over — without ever really getting to the bottom of it.

That’s when healing feels stuck, and instead of relief, you feel emotionally drained or even worse than before you started the process. It often depends on the kind of work you’re doing with your therapist and whether it’s truly targeting what lies beneath the surface or just scratching the wound.

Psst! When therapy hits the right spot, you might not even be able to explain the shift which happened inside you. You’ll just feel like something heavy inside has been let go. You walk out of the session feeling lighter, clearer and sometimes very tired — even if the process was intense. That’s what real inner work can do.

To put it another way, your healing starts where you are right now. The sensations and beliefs you’re holding in this moment are where the journey begins. The same mind — your unconscious mind — that keeps you safe from those painful memories is also the one that will keep you safe during the healing process. Your therapist will guide you through this.

If it feels unsafe — judged or criticized — your unconscious mind won’t disclose or let go; instead, it will raise its defences. But if it feels deeply understood and safe, it will open the gates and release those memories. That’s how your unconscious mind brings what’s hidden into the light, and this process varies for every person.

For someone, healing can work on those sensations — what therapists sometimes describe as ‘untying those knots’ — which means gently releasing pent-up tension or emotional blockages.

This might happen through laughter; for some, crying; for some, muscle contractions; for someone, narrations, sighing, deep breaths, screaming and more.

But all these are actions carried out by the unconscious mind as you’re ready and you’ve harboured the courage to face your inner demons. The unconscious mind will release those through various ways, and a skilled therapist just guides you as you do it (the unconscious mind is basically you — the client).

You’re Looking for the Key in the Wrong Place

See, it doesn’t have to be that complicated. You complicate it when you try to put logic to the illogical, overexplain, or try to understand consciously what cannot be grasped consciously.

It’s like the Mullah Nasrudin joke — when he loses his keys outside his house, instead of searching where he dropped them, he looks under the streetlamp because that’s where the light is.

In other words, you try to make sense of an unconscious problem by searching in the wrong place — where it feels easier — rather than where the real answers lie.

Conclusion

In conclusion, resolving trauma is an unconscious matter, and that is the same place where those memories are held — and it’s the same gateway through which they will be resolved.

You may feel that you’re not ready, but that’s a clever mechanism your mind uses to keep you stuck with familiar pain. That’s when you need to muster courage and consciously understand that healing is not a conscious process but an unconscious one — something a therapist’s office can best assist you with.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References & Recommended Reading

1. https://psychcentral.com/blog/denial-of-trauma-signs#how-to-work-through-trauma