I’ve been having this conversation with a good friend recently, and it’s such an interesting topic to explore — how do you really know if you’re seeking truth… or just avoiding it?

That conversation opened up a new dimension — not exactly the same, but deeply connected. In this article, I want to explore a perspective that many of us on the spiritual path rarely pause to examine: the idea that our unconscious wounds — parts of ourselves we’re not fully aware of — can trick us into believing we’re “on the path,” when in reality, we might be using spirituality to avoid ourselves, staying stuck in the same patterns and identity year after year.

The Spiritual Seeker

Who is a spiritual seeker? A spiritual seeker is someone who just has that intense and deep desire for spiritual growth.

Most of the clients I’ve worked with — and who I genuinely enjoy working with — have a deep desire to inquire into the nature of reality. Many are drawn to Buddhism, Advaita Vedanta, Non-Duality or other forms and schools of spiritual study, and they’ve immersed themselves in numerous books and teachings. They’re often quite knowledgeable, and I genuinely enjoy those conversations with them.

But despite all that “understanding,” they still find themselves stuck in the same patterns as so-called “non-seekers” — clinging to toxic relationships and habits, despite everything they’ve learned.

So, they remain entangled in suffering, unable to break free. And so, they find themselves repeatedly asking: Why am I still here? Why does this pain persist, no matter how far I go or how much I learn?

The Spiritual Path

While the path is the path — and there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ — we ought to be watchful. Are our actions helping us face ourselves, or are we simply using the path to avoid ourselves?

There’s something about being a seeker of truth — the fascination and wonder of what you might find can easily cloud your judgment.

You may leave your family, isolate yourself, or ignore normal aspects of life because you’ve learned (or someone has told you) that if you walk a certain path, you’ll receive something colourful and blissful — where there’s peace, serenity, and supposedly “no problems.”

When Seeking Becomes Escaping

When someone is dealing with an unhealthy relationship or entangled with a serial manipulator, that colourful path can become especially appealing. It offers a glimmer of hope — this idea that there’s light and wonder beyond the suffering of their current reality. And so, focusing on that path becomes not just a spiritual pursuit, but a lifeline.

But what we often don’t realize is that the very longing for that “light” can be a subtle form of escape — a way to bypass the raw truth of what we need to confront within ourselves and in our relationships

You may have low self-esteem, poor boundaries but because you’re seeking, you focus on that shiny object which is beyond the self so you ignore working on some aspects of yourself.

As you avoid that truth of your current situation, so does the pain grow.

You feel heavy deep inside, and you feel some sort of emptiness, yes you’ve immersed a number of books on or just some scriptures on how you’re supposed to lead a life.

You’re truly on a path, strictly practicing all the rituals, meditating every morning — but still, you feel like you’re headed nowhere. Even your skin is showing signs that something deep inside is being ignored — you have unexplained acne.

She Thought She Was Healing — But Her Body Knew Better

A friend once shared with me that she was in an unhealthy relationship, she’d seen the signs like unexplained condoms, hideous with their phone and more. Every time she felt anxious about it, she would convince herself to meditate on the feelings, again and again.

Later, she realized that her meditation was only providing temporary relief, while her unconscious mind was sending subtle signals that she was ignoring the reality and unhealthy nature of the relationship. She was experiencing acne, tightness in her shoulders, and a heavy feeling in her chest — classic signs the body gives when it’s holding onto something unresolved.

But when she finally acknowledged that enough was enough, she broke down (like she was in a funeral- from her words) and saw just how much she had been lying to herself for the past year. All the signs were there, but she kept convincing herself that meditation alone would make it better and that she was ‘overthinking.’

Seeking & Avoidance May Walk Similar Paths

In this journey called life, seeking and avoidance often walk the same path. What may look like a deep inquiry for truth can sometimes be a sneaky form of escape — an unconscious mechanism to avoid facing what truly needs our attention in this present moment.

We know that the mind is a tricky and conniving entity, and when you’re not fully aware or don’t understand its insidious mechanisms, it will feed you lies as a way to maintain self-preservation.

And what better way for the mind to deceive you than by whispering, ‘Just meditate on it,’ or nudging you toward that one more retreat, one more book and gently reminding you that you’re on a path — so surely you don’t need therapy, because all the answers are within, right?

“Nothing is hidden, yet the greatest mystery is how we can be so blind to the truths staring us in the face.” — Psychology of Zen Koans

Often, the seeking itself becomes a veil — one that keeps us from truly observing the very truths we claim to be chasing.

This line hits harder, especially for anyone who’s ever used the spiritual path as a subtle form of escape — somewhat like way to avoid turning inward and facing what’s actually there.

And by the way — if you’ve ever felt like therapy isn’t an option, or if you’re walking around with some sort of heaviness, a sense of disconnection, or a deep dissatisfaction you can’t quite name, I highly recommend the book Nothing Is Hidden: The Psychology of Zen Koans.

[It bridges psychology and Zen in a way that’s deeply interesting, brutally honest, and exactly what many seekers truly need.]

Therapy = Safe Space for Uncomfortable Truths

That’s why therapy isn’t just another angle of the journey — it has to be part of it. Sometimes, you just need therapy not to fix you, but to create enough space to actually feel the uncomfortable truth or rather to process the pain and those uncomfortable emotions. It’s about meeting the parts of yourself that have been buried in the basement(your subconscious mind) for years.

And as you begin to face those hidden aspects — those unprocessed emotions, negative beliefs, unmet needs, and unhealed wounds — you slowly start to integrate a deeper, more honest version of reality. One that isn’t built on bypassing, but on being fully present with what is.

“The function of therapy is to help the patient see the truth about himself and his situation, even if that truth is uncomfortable.” — Abraham Maslow

This allows you to seek without carrying so much baggage, rejuvenating your energy to go deeper and truly understand the aspects of reality — or whatever it is you’re seeking.

On the other hand, when you seek while your wounds remain unhealed, those wounds often take the steering wheel, keeping you on a predictable, familiar, painful path. On the outside, it may look blissful and full of promise, but on the inside, you’re aching terribly.

Pause and See

So, if you’re a seeker or into spirituality, you’ve got to pause sometimes and really look at your life. Before rushing to read that next book or traveling to find answers, just pause and take a good look at where you are [your mind will not really want you to do that, as it’s very emotionally challenging]. You’ll know you’re avoiding something if there are contradictions in your current reality, probably something like:

· You’re addicted to a substance for years but still focusing only on ‘seeking truth’.

· You’ve been in a series of toxic relationships and can’t seem to leave, yet you have a deep understanding of the mind.

· You’ve been practicing and studying for years but still feel empty and depressed deep inside.

One thing I truly love about working with clients on this journey is how intriguing it is to challenge their perspectives or gently put them in the place they need to be.

In the end, many experience a sense of renewal to keep moving forward in their path. Some even choose to stop seeking altogether and instead focus on the simple aspects of life, like finding a job, as they come to realize that their seeking was really just a coping mechanism they picked up to protect themselves from difficult feelings.

Conclusion — the Ego Seeks the ‘Higher’ Self

In conclusion, any aspect of your life can serve as a coping mechanism for hidden wounds or trauma that your mind is trying to protect you from facing. This might show up as addiction, toxic relationships, overworking, ‘taking care’ of your family, or even something seemingly harmless like “claiming you’re a seeker.” The ego will seek distraction everywhere.

As Alan Watts says, the ego or your identity is like a thief: when the police storm the ground floor (lower self), it moves to the attic, or rather, it identifies itself with something “higher” — like the higher self.

That same identity, which keeps leading you into toxic or unhealthy situations, will remain unless it’s dissolved or its reality collapses. This collapse happens when what’s unconscious is brought into consciousness, freeing you from what you’ve identified with.

It’s about processing those painful, stuck emotions and sensations that hold you back from fully being in the present moment or seeing reality clearly. Seeking truth or deeper understanding becomes truly freeing only when you shed that heavy load from the past.

How far can you really go when you’re still carrying baggage or uncried tears from decades ago? You may think you’re moving forward, but in reality, you’ve been circling the same radius. Once you realize this, you’ll see that the freedom you’ve been seeking has actually been within your grasp all along.

It’s a journey of facing yourself — there is no escape. You have the sole responsibility to look deeply and honestly at yourself.

As some say, you have to look ‘evil’ in the face — or rather, look yourself in the face — to truly see how what you’re carrying is holding you back. You don’t need to add more baggage in the name of seeking. Instead, you need to stop accumulating and start dropping. Then, perhaps, reality will reward you with a deeper understanding of itself or you can continue with your seeking.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

References & Recommended Reading

1. “Nothing Is Hidden: The Psychology of Zen Koans” — Barry Magid (A powerful book that explores how Zen and therapy intersect, particularly how spiritual practice can be used to avoid deeper emotional truths )