If we could shift that focus inward, to you and me, the ones susceptible to those gimmicks, we’d gain a much deeper understanding of ourselves. And that self-understanding is what keeps us safe from falling for those cheap tricks, because when you are rooted in your own authenticity, you stop being carried away by illusions.

One of those illusions is love bombing. It’s when you are constantly validated by your partner’s sweet words of affection like how amazing you are, how kind or how special and any other affectionate gesture. While some of that may come from genuine appreciation rather than manipulation, that’s not the point here. The point is you and your susceptibility. We’re not here to look at why they do it but rather why we fall for it.

Actually, a few months back, someone close to me shared a list of my good qualities: from discipline, kindness, focus, and more. I smiled, but I felt unmoved on the inside, like I was not overly excited jumping up and down. It was strange because, in the past, I would have craved that kind of validation and raved about it the whole day. I would have held onto those mere words like oxygen or something that my life depended upon especially when it came from someone I liked.

But now it feels kind of neutral, sometimes even unnecessary. Why? Because I already know and embody those qualities exist within me. Their words don’t add or subtract anything from my self-worth.

A little bit of appreciation and validation here and there is sometimes necessary, just like that pinch of salt. It brings out the flavour in food, but too much of it ruins the whole meal. The same goes for validation. When you already know your own flavour, your worth, your inner beauty, your goodness, and your authenticity, you don’t need much makeup or anything else to season you excessively because it’s already there. You can appreciate their compliments, but they don’t define you. You enjoy that seasoning while understanding that the real nourishment comes from within.

Inner Emptiness Leads to Over Glorification

That’s where the real difference lies. We tend to over-glorify those sweet words and loving gestures when there’s a void deep within us, a dark feeling of loneliness and despair. When we haven’t cultivated that inner sense of worth, we cling to external approval like a lifeline, as if we cannot survive without it.

It mostly happens unconsciously, and you may feel helpless without their free-flowing tongue, as it feels healing and soothing when they shower you with those words of affection. You feel seen, heard, and validated, even when some part of you senses that something is off. But you are swept away, chasing that momentary high, a rush that fades quickly, leaving you chasing the next compliment, the next “I love you,” the next “You’re my everything” and the next drop of attention to fill the emptiness inside.

When you have low self-esteem, you become vulnerable to this because their excessive compliments and affection provide a sense of worth you don’t believe you possess internally. That sense of worth might have been eroded by past experiences or previous relationships.

So, when you are flattered, you finally feel seen and heard after years of feeling invisible. You may feel so understood like never before, as if you’ve discovered an oasis in the middle of a desert, only to end up chasing mirages once that oasis dries up. That’s how you fall for it. It’s an intoxicating drug that gives you a high, and you keep chasing those highs without even realizing it. A few years into the relationship, you may ask yourself how you ended up in that nasty divorce, that difficult co-parenting arrangement, or that toxic relationship.

Dating is Like a Marketplace

Let’s be honest: the dating world can feel like a chaotic marketplace, even a bit ‘barbaric’. Beneath the surface, it’s just a jungle of hunters and the hunted where everyone is fighting for attention, or survival. In the past, people competed for love with bows, arrows, and poetry; today, they do it with words, promises, and carefully curated displays of affection or appearance. So, if you’re not anchored in yourself, it’s easy to get swept up in the performance and be ‘eaten’.

Actually, the line between love bombing and normal affection is thin and often blurry. In many cases, love bombing should be seen as a survival mechanism for the hunter, as they use their charm and flattery as tools to woo and capture the most vulnerable prey. So, it’s your job to understand that marketplace and understand what makes you vulnerable.

In conclusion, love bombing as a manipulative tactic only works when you’re deeply starved. It gives you a taste of what you wish was present inside you. But the truth is, what you’re really craving isn’t them. It’s you. You’re craving your own love, your own validation, your own recognition.

Once you begin to fill that inner void with awareness and self-respect, the magician will lose their power, and those tricks will no longer fascinate you as you can see beyond the illusion.  

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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