A relationship is all about two people coming together, and those two people will always have different views, values, beliefs, and ways of seeing the world. With that conflicts are bound to happen and some will be resolved while others will be irreconcilable.

But how do you really know if you should stick around after a few misunderstandings here and there, or if you should walk away before it even starts?

Especially now, with all the information about emotional abuse and narcissism floating around the internet, it’s quite easy to use those labels as a path of least resistance for your fears. That easy path which aligns with your identity is walking away and flagging any ‘ill’ behaviour as toxic.

Say you’re dating someone who’s somewhat a decent human being, operating within the standard levels of human behaviour. Then one day, they start acting differently. Maybe they start communicating less or not sending you those voice notes. You might immediately think it’s silent treatment, that they’re not committed, or that they’re manipulating your feelings.

But maybe they’re just busy with work or some other aspect of life. Or maybe they’re not the best communicators. Actually, communication doesn’t always come naturally in the beginning of the relationship, sometimes it needs to be nurtured or you need that time to understand each other’s communication style.

They may not be emotionally abusive at all, but because you’re still reeling from the wounds of your past experiences, you label them a vulnerable narcissist or something of that sort. And because your perception is distorted, you find yourself in a quarrel and then end the relationship, thinking you’ve protected your peace.

But what you might have really done is taken the least emotionally challenging path- cutting people off because they’re different and are not soothing or praising your worldview or your ego. We may sometimes mask that fear behind statements like, “I cut people off quickly when I see red flags.” Some red flags may not really be red flags but some normal misunderstanding.

When your insides haven’t yet seen the light, when your wounds are still influencing your choices currently, you can easily sabotage healthy connections. And you might be so afraid and guarded that you don’t even let the good in. Your mind begins translating every new person you interact with as a threat. They treat you well, and you interpret it as love bombing and that their care must have an agenda. This is because your predictions are still based on your past negative experiences, not your present reality. You will end up ruining some potentially good relationships, not because they were toxic or unhealthy, but because you’re still grappling with deep emotional pain.

You may jump from one relationship to another, calling people narcissistic not because they are, but because you’re viewing them through a dirty lens, and no dirty lens can help you see clearly. You will not understand that people in relationships make mistakes, and that’s what makes them human. You will not see that a relationship should be a space that shines light on other’s imperfections (but only if they’re willing to receive that light)

When you’re unhealed, you will be too quick to judge and categorize people as good or bad instead of seeing them as human beings capable of growth.

This doesn’t mean you should compromise yourself for the sake of others. It simply means that some relationships feel unhealthy because you’re unwilling to face your own murky waters. You might find yourself drawn to people who mirror your unmet needs and desires, and that’s why they hook you in so fast. Before you know it, you’re straight back in another abusive relationship.

Here’s the thing, it’s quite counterintuitive, but when you find someone who gives you exactly what you’ve always wanted, you should just pause for a moment and ask yourself this, “Are they giving themselves the same care they’re giving me?” If they are, that’s a green flag. But if they’re neglecting themselves for your sake, that’s probably a red flag.

It simply means they’re more invested in you than in their own well-being, and that imbalance will eventually cause pain and resentment when you cannot meet their expectations. And the truth is, you can never meet someone else’s expectations. No matter how much love, effort, or reassurance you give, it will never be enough for someone who’s disconnected from themselves.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.