Have you ever wondered what would happen if you grew up in an environment where 1 + 1 = 3 instead of the common or rather logical 1 + 1 = 2? I’m talking about basic math here. You may have never asked yourself this question because it’s too obvious, right? When something seems so obvious to you, you’ll find it ridiculous when someone questions your logical understanding of it. You will that person as just a mad man.

Now, as you grow up, you’ll meet people who follow that same interpretation of 1 + 1 = 3, similar to what you know. Those people will be easy to relate with because you share a basic common understanding. That becomes your baseline of logic, your belief system. The people who identify with 1 + 1 = 3, we can say, will feel like your flock and as you know birds of the same feather flock together.

But what happens when you realize that what you’ve always believed, like 1 + 1 = 3, isn’t correct, and that the real answer is 1 + 1 = 2? You’ll deny it without any reasonable doubt. It won’t be easy to change. Someone may explain it to you logically and even show you evidence. This might work if your mind is still a bit malleable and open to new insights and concepts. You might even say, “Wow, I’ve been lied to all along and I believed it,” right?

In that case, you can easily shift from the old program to a new one that feels more authentic.

But when that old logic of 1 + 1 = 3 has been deeply entrenched in you and even become part of your identity, letting it go won’t be easy. You’ll use that same false logic to dispute the truth because you can’t really see how the other possibility could work. You may have reaped benefits from holding onto it, maybe a job, a certain social status, or something that feeds your ego.

So, when you look at the false sense of stability that this distorted logic has given you, you’ll be tempted to look away, even when presented with undeniable evidence.

That’s how we act when our identity has solidified. We do whatever it takes to protect it simply because it has served us in the past. The “1 + 1 = 3” logic has brought you this far, and you’ve learned to manoeuvre the world through it. It has become your survival mechanism, and because it has worked so far, you cling to it.

When someone comes along with something contrary, you’ll feel threatened or even angered, thinking they’re insane. The logic you picked up growing up from your environment and from your past relationships, has morphed into the foundation of your existence. Why bother with something that threatens that existence?

Now, you may be asking, “Edwin, where is this going?” Sometimes I don’t know either; I just write and explore for its own sake. But let’s put this into the context of being in an abusive relationship so that it makes even more sense.

The first logical understanding you develop about relationships is from how you were brought up. If that environment was dysfunctional, a version of 1 + 1 = 3, you grow up believing that’s how love or relationships works. If your early exposure involved physical abuse, deceit, manipulation, or toxicity, those experiences formed your core beliefs about what relationships are supposed to look like.

So, as you grow, you naturally find yourself drawn to dynamics that reflect that distorted norm, because that’s what your mind recognizes as “logical.” It feels like home. That becomes your survival mechanism, repeating what you know, even if it hurts you. It’s like repeating the ‘logic’ you know best even if it doesn’t match the true logic.

This is why, when you’re in a dysfunctional relationship as an adult, you get triggered when someone challenges it. You might think they don’t understand you simply because, at a deep level, your foundation was built upon a distorted logic. This is also why the “new logic” people offer you, things like “You should leave, they’re mistreating you” or “You deserve better,” doesn’t fully register. It doesn’t ring a bell because your inner logic is already misaligned.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes exposure to new logic can create radical change, especially if your mind still has some fluidity, or if that new truth is strong enough to make your old identity crumble. In healing, these new logical steps could look like leaving the relationship, finding support, or becoming financially independent.

These practical steps can help you break free from the old logic that said, “You can’t do it alone” or “You’ll never make it on your own.” So, logic can indeed play a big role in healing, especially when the false logic hasn’t yet fully taken over your sense of self.

But for others, something deeper is required to truly break free from the loops of false logic they’ve been living through. That’s where inner work comes in. Healing isn’t just about understanding new logic, it’s about challenging and dismantling the old one. It’s about questioning the “1 + 1 = 3” and creating space for the truth of “1 + 1 = 2” to take root.

That’s why healing cannot be purely logical. Because when you’re stuck, your logic itself is distorted, and you cannot use the same logic that trapped you to free yourself.

Healing is, in many ways, deprogramming the old tapes that keep you repeating unhealthy patterns. Those tapes aren’t yours, they were recorded from past experiences, from what you saw, endured, and normalized. But once you start uncovering those roots, the core of that false logic, you begin to let truth or let light in.

And when that happens, something shifts on a deeper level. You start seeing life differently. You recognize manipulation, blame-shifting, love bombing or all those games of deceit for what it is. When someone tries to convince you that 1 + 1 = 3 again, you can see it from afar because you now know, deeply and unshakably, that 1 + 1 = 2.

And the peace that comes with that kind of clarity? That’s the real evidence of healing.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.