Your Hatred Towards Your Ex is Hatred Towards Thyself

Your Hatred Towards Your Ex is Hatred Towards Thyself your hatred towards your ex is hatred towards thyself

When you’ve been in a relationship with someone who has betrayed you and done things to harm you, it is very normal for you to hate them or to have an intense dislike towards them. This could be your abusive ex, your parents, or even your ex with whom you had a short stint, but you harbor deep feelings of revenge, and something is boiling deep inside. In the initial stages of your breakup, the hatred you feel towards them can be great fuel to really drive you away from them. Your hate can be that repellent force that pushes you to distance yourself from them as far as possible. So, it’s a very genuine feeling to hate someone who has done atrocious things to you.

Your Hate is Authentic

Realizing and acknowledging the hate you have towards someone is paradoxically the most authentic aspect of your healing journey. There’s something about love or attempting to be compassionate; we often express it on a surface level, but on a deeper level, we may harbor feelings of hate. This implies that when we pretend to be the most compassionate or the kindest people externally while burying the hate deep inside, we are moving further away from the light or obstructing the light from penetrating deep within. It’s similar to painting the walls in a deteriorating house just for show.

That’s why it’s better to acknowledge your genuine feelings of hate rather than covering them with a coat of compassion, which isn’t truly compassionate but another mask used to conceal your authentic self.

When you pretend to be compassionate, salvation or healing becomes distant because you must overcome the deceptive identity of being compassionate, which doesn’t genuinely reflect your true feelings deep inside. Certainly, you may not be consciously choosing to act this way; it could be a result of conditioning from your environment or past experiences. However, you do have the conscious choice to assess your present state and recognize the pain you carry deep inside.

If you acknowledge to yourself that you hate them, you are being honest with yourself, and healing becomes possible because once you shed these feelings of hate, you connect with your authentic self.

Hate = Self-Hate

Now, let’s discuss this hate you have towards them. The hate you feel towards your ex is not actually directed towards your ex; it’s directed towards yourself. You may hate yourself for staying for far too long, for not listening to your gut feeling, for not heeding your own needs, for having a third child together, for marrying them, or for any reason that tends to cast you as the villain in this picture.

When you think about them, it triggers feelings of dissatisfaction with how you currently perceive yourself. Hating them creates a negative energy or burden that you carry within you. While your ex may be moving on with their lives and doing whatever they want, your hate for them is weighing you down. It’s like carrying the load of someone you despise, and it can feel quite tedious, wouldn’t you agree?*et9czc*_ga*MTkxNjcxMDU2NC4xNjg1MDA1MjYw*_ga_6LJN6D94N6*MTY5ODczNDU3OC4yMjQuMC4xNjk4NzM0NTc4LjAuMC4w

Hate is a Heavy Load

The hate you feel is the baggage that your past relationships have dumped inside you, and it’s quite a heavy load that can make you cynical. While it may seem like the hate is a shield protecting you from them, it’s actually a wall keeping you stuck in a stagnant place. What might also be helpful is understanding that the actions you take to protect yourself from them, such as maintaining no contact, adhering to your boundaries, or the logical steps you’re taking to shield yourself from your abusive ex can be more effective once you let go of the baggage you’re carrying deep inside.

Not Hating Doesn’t Mean Welcoming Them Back

Not hating doesn’t mean that you’re opening the door to welcome them back into your life; it means you’re throwing the dirt outside and locking that door properly. When you are lighter on the inside, those people who hurt you in your life will be forever gone from your inner world. But when you harbor feelings of hate towards your abusive ex, you’re still carrying them within you, and they won’t really care about how you feel or even think about the fact that you hate them. They will live their lives, manipulate other people to fill their emptiness, and the burden you have will remain yours unless you acknowledge and work on it.


In conclusion, the negative feelings buried deep within are what you need to process so that you can travel lighter. These feelings are what keep you stuck with your ex even when they’re long gone. Acknowledging that you hate them is a legitimate step, and the next is to work on releasing those negative feelings. How long will you carry the negative feelings from your parents, friends, or all the people who’ve hurt you? How long will you burden yourself with unnecessary weight that is costing you dearly in your life? Your hate is justified, but you don’t have to carry that burden. It’s draining you and preventing you from getting in touch with your true, unburdened self.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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