Will They Stop Abusing You If You Do What They Want?

Will They Stop Abusing You If You Do What They Want? will they stop abusing you if you do what they want?
Photo by Claudia Wolff on Unsplash

In an abusive relationship, some people may wonder if doing everything the abuser wants, even if it involves illegal actions, will make them stop the abuse and become friendly. When stuck in an abusive relationship, you may often go to extreme lengths, hoping that being obedient and allowing the abuser to treat them poorly will somehow lead to a positive change. Sadly, you end up sacrificing your own well-being in the pursuit of appeasing your abusive partner, and this approach will never yield any positive results.

Reinforcing Sense of Control

The sad reality is that compliance and submission often reinforce the abuser’s sense of power and control over the victim. Instead of fostering a healthy and equal partnership, it perpetuates a harmful dynamic, where the victim’s needs and boundaries are continuously disregarded. The abuser may interpret the victim’s willingness to endure mistreatment as a green light to continue their abusive behavior.

Imagine the relationship between the victim and the abuser as a seesaw. In a healthy and equal partnership, both individuals take turns balancing the seesaw, ensuring it remains stable. However, in an abusive dynamic, the victim’s compliance acts as a weight on one end of the seesaw, while the abuser sits comfortably on the other end, elevated and in control. The more the victim complies and submits to the abuser’s demands, the more the abuser’s end of the seesaw tilts higher, amplifying their power over the victim.

Abuser’s Sense of Emptiness

Moreover, compliance and submission in an abusive relationship are unlikely to result in a positive change in the abuser’s behavior. The root of the problem lies in the abuser’s deeply ingrained abusive patterns, which are driven by unresolved psychological issues and a distorted self-worth. These patterns are not easily changed or resolved through the victim’s compliance. The abuser’s need for control and power over the victim is insatiable, stemming from their own insecurities and the desire to mask their internal feelings of inadequacy.


By fulfilling the abuser’s demands, the victim inadvertently feeds into this insatiable need for control, further reinforcing the abusive behavior. No amount of compliance will satisfy the void within the abuser, as their abusive tendencies are deeply rooted in their own psychological makeup. True change and healing must come from within the abuser themselves, through introspection, self-awareness, and professional help.


In conclusion, compliance and submission will not lead to a positive change in the abuser’s behavior. Fulfilling their demands will not satisfy this void, nor will it bring about genuine transformation. Instead, it perpetuates a harmful cycle of emotional manipulation and power imbalance.

The path to healing and freedom lies in prioritizing your own well-being. While you cannot control the abuser’s actions, you hold the power to reclaim your own life and make decisions that are in your best interest. Recognize that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and that you are not responsible for the abuser’s behavior.

Breaking free from an abusive relationship is undoubtedly challenging, but it is essential to remember that you are not alone, and help is available. Take small steps each day to prioritize your emotional and physical safety, establish healthy boundaries, and focus on your own self-care. As you regain control over your life, you will begin to rebuild your sense of self-worth and resilience.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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