Why Your Mind Acts Against You During Narcissistic Abuse

Why Your Mind Acts Against You During Narcissistic Abuse why your mind acts against you during narcissistic abuse
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When we think about our mind, we often assume it’s there to keep us safe, but we forget to understand what that safety truly means. One question that is frequently asked is, “Why does your mind go contrary to what you want when you’re in an abusive relationship?” When you’re in that situation, there is a part of you that genuinely knows what you want — you want to stand up and take care of yourself. Logically, you want to stand up and leave the relationship, but your mind seems to say, “No, you can’t do that; it’s not safe.” So, why does this happen? Why does your mind often act against you?

Mind Seeks the Familiar

The mind is there to keep you safe, and by “safe” here, it means a place where your subconscious mind has become accustomed. So, when you’ve been consistently exposed to or raised in a toxic environment, your mind adapts to living in this kind of setting. Logically, an abusive relationship is not a safe space for you, but to the mind, it is a predictable environment, and it feels it can handle it much better than a safe one.

It has handled it in the past, for instance, if you were raised in an environment where you learned to be overly responsible or were taught that the greatest good is sacrificing your life for others, or if you experienced some form of abuse. Therefore, when you encounter a narcissistic relationship, your mind, which has become accustomed to those environments, feels that it can handle it and will provide you with all kinds of excuses to justify why you need to stay in the relationship.


Imagine you have two routes to get home: one is a well-known, familiar road that you’ve traveled many times, but it’s known to be dangerous due to rough terrain and obstacles. The other route is new and unfamiliar, promising a potentially smoother and safer journey.

In this scenario, the familiar route represents the comfort and routine of established patterns. Your mind is accustomed to this path, and it feels more secure even though it comes with known risks. Despite the dangers, the familiarity of the route makes it less intimidating. The mind may choose this route because it has successfully navigated it before, and the fear of the unknown on the new route may be more unsettling.

On the other hand, the new route represents change and the potential for personal growth. It’s an unexplored territory that could offer a smoother and safer journey once learned. The mind might resist this route due to the uncertainty and discomfort associated with unfamiliarity. Even though it holds the promise of improvement, the initial challenges make it less appealing.

Similarly, the mind will oftentimes not listen to you and choose to stay in that abusive relationship because it opts for the familiar, even when it may not be the best choice, due to the comfort associated with routines and the fear of stepping into the unknown.

Your true voice may convincingly urge you to leave or emphasize the harm you’re experiencing, while another side persuades you to stay. The conflict arises, and despite the pull, the negative belief often prevails because it’s deeply ingrained in your subconscious as the default pattern, proving more potent than logical or common sense.

While common sense suggests leaving a place causing harm, your subconscious beliefs lead your mind to choose a path that reinforces those beliefs. This results in various justifications and excuses that challenge your deeper desires beyond the negative beliefs. Despite wanting true safety, your mind guides you towards a different form of safety, perpetuating those negative beliefs and reinforcing your accustomed patterns.

In conclusion, realizing the internal conflict empowers you to break away from default patterns and stay vigilant about how your mind may deceive you. It allows you to challenge those ingrained beliefs and stop blaming yourself for not aligning with your true desires. This awareness is a powerful tool for taking control of your choices and steering towards a path that prioritizes what you genuinely want.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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