Why You Should Stop Defending Yourself to A Narcissist

Why You Should Stop Defending Yourself to A Narcissist why you should stop defending yourself to a narcissist
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Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly challenging and exhausting, particularly if you cannot avoid them, or find yourself constantly defending against their manipulative behaviors. Narcissists tend to project their insecurities onto others, making them extremely defensive, aggressive, and unwilling to take responsibility for their actions.

Engaging in an argument or attempting to defend yourself with a narcissist can be a futile and harmful exercise that only serves to reinforce their sense of power and control over you. In this article, I am going to explore the main reasons why you should stop defending yourself to a narcissist and then offer the best solution when you find yourself in such tough situations.

1. It Feeds their Ego

Narcissists thrive on attention and validation, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative. The more dramatic the situation, the more they’ll flourish. When you defend yourself to a narcissist, you are unconsciously giving them what they want — your attention and energy.


This can further reinforce their belief that they are always right and subsequently make them feel more powerful and in control. When you are defensive, it simply shows that they still have you in their grasp. The more you feed their ego, the more you’re ‘encouraging’ them to continue their manipulative ways.

2. It’s Emotionally Draining

Trying to defend yourself to a narcissist can leave you feeling emotionally drained and depleted. This is because it usually involves circular arguments and manipulation tactics that can leave you feeling bewildered, anxious, and powerless. Narcissists rarely give straight and satisfactory responses, and they may distort reality or fail to understand your perspective.


Defending yourself can be a waste of energy as it feeds their distorted view of themselves and reinforces their belief that they are always right. This energy could be better spent on taking care of yourself and working towards your own well-being.

3. They will Use Your Words Against You

Narcissists are adept at manipulating and distorting your words, and using them against you. When you try to defend yourself, you may inadvertently say things you wouldn’t normally say when you’re calm or not under pressure.

Even if you present a logically sound argument, a narcissist may still find ways to twist it to suit their agenda. They may use your defense as a tool for gaslighting or launching a smear campaign against you, portraying themselves as the victim and you as the ‘bad’ person. They may also misinterpret your words and use them to undermine your credibility, making it harder for others to believe your side of the story.

4. Narcissist Rage and Getting Hurt

Narcissists are known to have a short fuse and an intense need for power and control. When you defend yourself against their attacks, they may feel threatened and respond with anger or even physical violence. This means that your defense may escalate the situation and put you in harm’s way. They may resort to extreme verbal abuse, insults, and threats in order to undermine your confidence and even your life.

This can be emotionally distressing and can have long-term effects on your self-esteem and mental well-being. In the most severe cases, they may become physically violent, which is a dangerous situation to be in. It’s important to recognize the risks and take appropriate measures to protect yourself from harm when dealing with a narcissist.

In conclusion, defending yourself to a narcissist is a losing battle that can greatly harm your mental well-being. Ultimately, defending yourself to a narcissist can be a fruitless and counterproductive exercise that only reinforces their sense of power and control over you.

They will not change their behavior even if you explain things in the simplest terms possible because they are deeply entrenched in their own perception of reality. The only way to break the cycle is to rise up and walk away, if possible, or learn to ignore their provocations and false accusations.

Do not waste your time doing something that is harmful to you. Instead, use that time for activities that will have the greatest positive impact on your mental health. It may not be easy, but ultimately, you don’t have to lose your dignity and self-respect trying to defend yourself to someone who is hurtful to you. You deserve your own respect and care.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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