Why You find it Hard to Resist the Narcissist’s Hoover

Why You find it Hard to Resist the Narcissist’s Hoover why you find it hard to resist the narcissist’s hoover
Photo by ALEXANDRE DINAUT on Unsplash

You’ve been through hell and back with your narcissistic ex-partner. The lovey-dovey phase, the mind games, the painful breakup — you’ve been stuck on that awful rollercoaster again and again. Finally, after enduring their torment over and over, you find the strength to cut them out of your life for good. You ignore their attempts to suck you back in, but somehow, their messages still bother you.

Even though you’ve taken back control, their messages still have a strange power over you. You feel tempted to read them, even though you know they’ll only hurt you more. Why do these hurtful messages still have power over you, even after all the pain you’ve been through with them? What magical spell makes their toxic words still feel strangely appealing and intrusive, despite knowing they’re harmful?

The sad truth is that narcissists are skilled at exploiting your emotional vulnerabilities. They know how to manipulate your feelings in a way that makes it hard for you to resist them, even when you know they’re bad for you. You see, during the abusive cycles, narcissists create strong trauma bonds that make your brain crave their chaos almost like a reflex. The ups and downs of their affection and devaluation carve pathways in your brain that make you addicted to the cycle of abuse and rescue.


That’s why even a simple email notification from them can make you feel as excited as hearing back from a crush you’ve been waiting on. Deep down, their occasional bits of attention created a feeling of emptiness when they weren’t around, like something important was missing. So, when they come back with their sad apologies or fake promises of change, your traumatized self can’t help but be drawn to the twisted intimacy you’ve become addicted to, even if your better judgment tells you to stay away.

And Of Course, They Know Your Vulnerabilities Inside-Out

Adding to the appeal of this trauma bond is the fact that narcissists are skilled at identifying and exploiting the vulnerabilities and weaknesses that drew you to them in the first place. They know which buttons inside you to press that will make you submit to their will. Whether it was your tendency to care for others, a fear of not getting enough love, or a desire to help those who seem wounded like people from your past, they saw those vulnerabilities and played into them from the start.

In conclusion, it’s crucial to recognize that the vulnerabilities narcissists exploit during the idealization phase are the same ones they target when they try to pull you back into the relationship through hoovering. This makes it incredibly difficult to resist their manipulative games, even when you’re aware of their tactics. It often boils down to a lack of inner strength or unresolved past traumas that unconsciously draw you back to the familiar and predictable, despite knowing it’s harmful.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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