Why You Feel Overly Suspicious in Your Relationship

Why You Feel Overly Suspicious in Your Relationship why you feel overly suspicious in your relationship
Photo by Nik on Unsplash

Have you found yourself being overly suspicious in your relationship or have you ever dated someone who’s always suspicious that you’re doing something behind their back? Let’s say every phone call your partner gets, you think it’s someone else. Even when they are going out with their friends, you think they are doing something behind your back. Even when they just don’t pick up your phone call for a couple of minutes, you’re always thinking that maybe they’re with someone else. For you, it doesn’t matter if they’re assuring you that they are okay and not cheating, or even if they video call you, you always think that they are lying to you. You’re just overly suspicious and really find it hard to trust them.

Aside from relationships, even in just your own workplace or job, you always think that you are going to get fired. You always think that you are doing the wrong thing and that every new recruit is coming to replace you, not to help you. You’re suspicious of everyone, and you even get to the point where you really feel that no one is to be trusted. So why do you really feel that way?

Insecure on the Inside

Actually, the main reason you feel that way is because deep inside, you are very insecure.

When you are insecure on an inner level and don’t feel safe within yourself, everything happening outside will reflect that deep insecurity.

You’ll be interpreting things from an insecure perspective. For example, if you call someone, let’s say your partner, and they are in a meeting, instead of interpreting it as a business meeting, you’ll interpret it as them being with someone else because you are insecure on a deeper level and you probably haven’t moved on from past betrayals.

When you’re insecure on a deeper level, no amount of outer assurance will make you feel secure because your belief system will still find a way to twist or interpret outer circumstances to prove your insecurity or suspicion. Good things may be happening in your life — your partner may not be cheating on you, your friends may not be lying to you, your friends may just be doing their own things — but because you are insecure on a deeper level, you’ll always be overly suspicious, always looking for evidence.

Physical Evidence May Still Not Be Enough

Even once you have physical and unquestionable proof that they are not lying to you, you may still feel that they are thinking about someone else. You may even install cameras or track your partner’s every move, or want to stay close to them all the time, but the suspicion never ends. In fact, it often leads to even more suspicion.

They might just be quiet in their room or not talking to you, and you’ll think maybe they’re thinking about someone else because to the mind, when there is physical evidence to challenge it, it will look for something else, which no physical evidence can disprove. That something else can be thinking about someone else.

You may find yourself dwelling on these thoughts, convinced that your partner is always thinking about someone else and not you. When they fail to reply to your messages or go a day without calling, your mind starts conjuring up wild scenarios, like imagining that their cousin, with whom they regularly converse, might be their secret lover.


This constant cycle of suspicion can lead you to sabotage an otherwise great relationship because you’re unable to handle the persistent rumination and continuous scrutiny of your partner’s actions.

In reality, what most often masquerades as a desire for a relationship, a ‘life partner’, or ‘commitment’ from an innocent human being is actually driven by deep-seated insecurity. You may really want guarantees from your partner about the future, yet we can never really know how things will turn out. Instead of enjoying and learning from the relationship for what it is in the present, you seek security. The relationship may be very healthy now, but you seek words of assurance instead of seeing the relationship for what it is. We seek external security because we lack it internally and we’re constantly feeling inherently vulnerable to betrayal and we’re scared on an inner level.

What Causes the Insecurity?

This deep insecurity is not caused by current events; it’s caused by unprocessed past events where you may have been betrayed by someone close to you, like your ex, your parents or someone you once confided in. You may have been cheated on in the past or your loved ones may have hurt you and now you interpret life from that perspective.

Because you didn’t process that or allow yourself to heal from it, you ended up living a life where you think people are just out there to betray you. That’s why healing is so important. Healing allows you to see current circumstances from your current perspective, not from a past perspective. It becomes hard for you to see things for what they are because you are seeing them as reminders of what you’ve been through in life.

It becomes hard for you to have a relationship or trust because you know that if you trust or let them live their life, you’ll get betrayed. So, the best thing is to just be overly suspicious or want constant assurance from your relationships which you realistically know never happens because of the string of ‘failed’ relationships you’ve had in the past.

One other deceptive thing we may cling onto is the idea that finding a ‘perfect’ partner or a partner who makes you feel ‘secure’ will make things easy for you or ease your suspicion. You may even come up with a checklist, but even if you were to find that partner, you will probably end up ruining things because of your constant clinginess and playing detective in the relationship.

The only one who can rescue you is yourself, not another human being who is also struggling with their own insecurities.

Go inward, work on yourself, and truly feel secure within yourself to the point where you realize that even if someone cheats on you, the cheating is not a reflection of your worth. It’s not because you’re not attractive or deserving. It’s on them. That’s the ultimate level of self-improvement: reaching a place where you might feel betrayed by someone, yet it doesn’t shape your identity because you’re confident and grounded within yourself.

True security means reaching a state where external circumstances may unsettle you or even cause temporary discomfort, but they don’t fundamentally define who you are as a person.

It’s the point where you may find actual proof of their games behind your back but instead of you carrying them inside you, you drop them and realize that we’re all human beings plagued with incessant desires.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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