Why the Narcissist Obsesses So Much Over Their Reputation

Why the Narcissist Obsesses So Much Over Their Reputation why the narcissist obsesses so much over their reputation

When you’ve had any encounter with a narcissist or someone who you know is constantly living with a mask, they care so much about it to the point where they can even manipulate the situations and people around them to protect their reputation or how they’re perceived by others. For narcissists, their reputation is pretty much everything to them. So, why do they obsess so much over how they’re perceived by others?

See, at their core, narcissists are extremely insecure and feel inadequate and unlovable. When you lack something on a deep level, you try to prove your worth outwardly to mask the emptiness inside. That’s why their reputation becomes a treasure they go to desperate lengths to protect.

It provides temporary relief when they are admired and respected. This develops into a pseudo-self-esteem where they seem confident and look like they’ve got their act together, yet deep inside, they’re aching.

This also drives them to look for ways to fill their insatiable hunger as their ego seeks the next thing to maintain or elevate their reputation. As the ego becomes more solidified, they move further away from the pain they’re avoiding deep inside, the pain which need to be processed.

When you leave a wound untreated for a very long time, even a skilled doctor will struggle through layers of scab to get to the real wound. You also need to go to that doctor in the first place (willingness to heal/change).

That’s how it feels when you run away from the wound that needs healing. It gets to the point where more bandages are seen as the only option to keep things at bay. And that bandage for a narcissist is now protecting their reputation because without it, they would have to look at the wound they’ve unconsciously neglected for a long time.

So, in a way, it’s much easier and safer to manipulate and seek ways to protect that reputation than to deal with the actual source of the false identity.

That’s why narcissists may lash out or go haywire when you try to challenge them, as all those painful emotions bottled deep inside come to the surface. It’s an overwhelming feeling, and the ego resorts to any kind of defense mechanism to keep things where it’s used to. When you’re holding onto a false identity, it becomes like a lifeboat on which your dear life depends.


That’s what reputation or being perceived well by others looks like to a narcissist. Underneath that is a hurt person who has developed a shield over time, and without this shield, there is pain, or rather a lot of pain, which the mind has deemed unbearable.

That’s why a narcissist causes pain to others; in the grand scheme of things, they inflict pain to protect themselves from pain because they see no alternative. To someone with a clear mind, it is counterproductive, but if you’ve held onto an identity as part of yourself, you will rarely see beyond that veil of pain.

Inner work is for everyone, and however much we may label them as ‘evil’, just take some time and look at yourself. Sometimes, acceptance means realizing that there’s nothing you can do to change certain situations or help people out of their circumstances and being okay with that. Then, with your ‘slight advantage’, go all the way and remove the masks that are preventing you from seeing the true you beyond the beliefs and stories you’ve learned from others.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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