Why Is it Really Hard to Take Full Responsibility of Your Healing Journey After Abuse?

Why Is it Really Hard to Take Full Responsibility of Your Healing Journey After Abuse? why is it really hard to take full responsibility of your healing journey after abuse?
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Why is it really hard to take full responsibility in your healing journey? What is full responsibility here? Full responsibility here means that you stop talking about them, you stop blaming them, you stop learning about them, and you start asking yourself questions about you. It’s that simple. It’s all away from them — questions like, “How could they do this to me? How could my parents do this? How could they hurt me and they told me that they loved me?” All those things. And then coming back to you and saying, “Hmm, what am I really doing to make things better?”

Why is it really hard to do that? Why is it really hard to shift from that blame — blaming yourself, blaming the world as an evil place, your country, all those things? Why is it really hard to shift from that point where you feel like you’re the kind of person who’s constantly oppressed, and then come to this point in life where, even if I blame the past, I’ll still get stuck with it? I’ve been engaging in this blame for the past 10 years; has it gotten me anywhere? No, it’s still keeping me with pain.

Logically speaking, that’s what normally happens. The more you blame, the more you are stuck with them. The more you blame the abuser for what they did to you, the more it means that the abuser or the abuse is still dictating your present life. The more you blame, the more it means that they’re still in your mind. They might have left physically, but on a deeper level, they’re still controlling your actions, beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. The more you blame, the more you are giving them power.

But full responsibility now is like, “No, I can’t let them take away my life anymore. Yes, I left the relationship, but I can’t let them take away my choices in the present moment.” That’s full responsibility. Why is it really hard? It’s actually something which is not really ‘hard’ because it’s up to you. When you blame, you are doing something which is beyond your control. But when you take responsibility, you are looking at the controllable circumstances. So how far can you really go by dealing with the uncontrollable? Of course, you’ll get nowhere. But now with full responsibility, you’re looking at controllable circumstances, like, “Now that I’m here, now that I realize that there’s something called trauma and unhealed wounds, what am I doing about it?” How easy is that? Because you’re looking at here. Blame is there, so why is it hard to look at here?

Awareness is Scary

The main reason why it’s really hard to look here is that when you look at something or when you are aware of something, all those things you’ve neglected, you’ve suppressed, all those emotions come to the surface. So, all those anxieties you never processed, those fears, those insecurities you’ve never really faced, they come to the surface. When they come to the surface, these things are actually painful and they need to be processed. So for you to avoid dealing with these things, you’ll end up looking for an alibi. And this alibi, mostly, is blaming the narcissist or the abusive person. It’s a very, very great alibi because they are the ones who hurt you — your parents hurt you, your abusive ex hurt you, your friends hurt you. So why not blame them? It’s very, very normal. But by doing that, you are losing your power.

Blame is an Endless Game

Something about blame also is, what if those people also end up saying, “Oh, I did this. I was abusive because I was raised in an abusive household.” That cycle will continue and continue because now their parents may say, “I was also abusive because I was raised in a war-torn country.” So it will just keep going. It might even go to the point of ‘Adam and Eve’ for those who believe in those things because everyone is just blaming one another.

But what will happen if you take responsibility and be like, “Yeah, those people hurt me. Yes, they hurt me. They are also hurt. I don’t care about them. I don’t even want to spend even a minute thinking about them. I’ll spend 24 hours thinking about me.” So, we blame because it’s a great alibi to run away from facing the fears. And the mind or your current perspective wants to keep you there in blame because something about how you currently perceive yourself doesn’t like to be challenged. It’s like a status quo; it doesn’t like to be challenged.

So when something doesn’t like to be challenged, it will look for anything that will stop it from being challenged. That’s what the ego is — how you currently perceive yourself or your current identity. So that’s why to look for anything, and the best alibi is blaming anyone.

To take full responsibility, you need to start challenging yourself and saying, just a simple question like, “Hey, I want to overcome this.” Just that is enough. “I want to overcome this today. I want to get out of this today.”

Imagine how your life would be if you just took full responsibility. Visualize how your life would unfold without spending time learning about narcissism and those other topics. What activities would occupy your time? How would your career flourish? How would your emotions evolve to a state where past emotions no longer impact your present feelings? Undoubtedly, you would be leading a life of peace. You wouldn’t be burdened with worries, nor would you harbor a cynical belief that the world is a bad place. You would simply be living life.

Here’s the thing, there are people who are living that kind of life. There are people who are so free. Things are happening around them, and they’re just so free. They are happy. Then you’re like, “How come this person is happy?” It’s because they’ve done the work you don’t want to do, which is taking full responsibility of your life. So don’t focus so much on the past, what they did or what they’re still doing, but focus on what you’re still doing. That is now full responsibility.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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