Why Does a Narcissist Keep Toxic friends but Discard people Who are Not toxic?

Why Does a Narcissist Keep Toxic friends but Discard people Who are Not toxic? why does a narcissist keep toxic friends but discard people who are not toxic?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Narcissists frequently seek out relationships with individuals they can manipulate and exploit for their own benefit. However, once these relationships no longer serve their interests, the narcissist callously ‘discards’ the person, showing little concern for their feelings or well-being. It’s quite common for a narcissist to keep toxic friends and push away those who are not toxic. Narcissists are known for their self-centered behavior and insidious, manipulative tactics in their quest to meet their needs. In this article, I will explore some of the reasons why a narcissist discards people who are not toxic but chooses to keep toxic friends.

1. Dynamics of Power and Control

Narcissists thrive on maintaining control over others and deriving a sense of power from their relationships. Toxic friends serve as crucial components in the narcissist’s web of manipulation and control. Their subservient nature or willingness to enable the narcissist’s manipulative behavior create an ideal environment for the narcissist to exert dominance and influence over others.

These toxic friends may be unwittingly used as pawns or “abusers in proxy,” carrying out the narcissist’s bidding or acting as “flying monkeys” to further the narcissist’s agenda. The term “flying monkeys” refers to individuals who willingly do the narcissist’s bidding, attacking or undermining those targeted by the narcissist, thus extending their reach and amplifying the manipulation.

In contrast, individuals who are not toxic may challenge the narcissist’s control, causing them to feel threatened and vulnerable. As a result, the narcissist may resort to discarding non-toxic friends to preserve their illusion of superiority.


2. Validation and Admiration

Another reason, is toxic friends may continuously admire and validate the narcissist, feeding their insatiable need for constant praise and attention. They may overlook the narcissist’s flaws or even enable their negative behavior, reinforcing the narcissist’s sense of grandiosity. The presence of toxic friends in the narcissist’s social circle also bolsters their illusion of superiority and power. By surrounding themselves with individuals who are easily influenced and controlled, the narcissist can further cement their inflated sense of self-importance. By maintaining a social circle of easily manipulated individuals, the narcissist can create an echo chamber where their distorted views and beliefs are reinforced and amplified.

In contrast, non-toxic friends may offer constructive criticism or challenge the narcissist’s ego-driven beliefs, leading to feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. As a result, the narcissist may prefer to surround themselves with those who offer unwavering admiration and validation.

3. Maintaining the Façade

Narcissists meticulously craft and maintain a carefully constructed facade of perfection and superiority. Toxic friends who engage in similar behavior or harbor their own insecurities may be less likely to question or challenge the narcissist’s image.

Toxic friends can also act as a shield for the narcissist, providing a buffer against anyone who dares to question or challenge their behavior. Whenever the narcissist faces criticism or accountability, these toxic friends may rally to their defense, deflecting blame or deflecting attention away from the narcissist’s actions. This creates a cocoon of protection for the narcissist, allowing them to continue their manipulative behavior without consequence.

In contrast, non-toxic friends, who may be more genuine and authentic, can inadvertently expose the cracks in the narcissist’s facade, leading to discomfort and a potential loss of control. To preserve their image and avoid scrutiny, the narcissist may choose to sever ties with those who threaten their carefully orchestrated narrative.


A narcissist’s primary focus is on fulfilling their own needs and maintaining their self-image, but it is crucial to remember that your worth is not dependent on the opinions of others, including the narcissist. While it may be painful to lose friends to the narcissist’s manipulative tactics, it is essential not to lose yourself in the process of trying to win them back. The true victory lies in working on healing the inner damage that narcissists have inflicted on your core beliefs.

Reclaiming self-confidence begins with setting healthy boundaries and distancing yourself from toxic influences. By addressing past traumas and building emotional resilience, you can develop a stronger sense of self and understand your true worth beyond the influence of narcissists and their enablers.


The key to breaking free from these harmful patterns lies in focusing on your own healing journey. It is your responsibility in the present moment to overcome the impact of what was done to you. Taking responsibility does not mean facing it alone; it means making the conscious choice to seek help and acknowledging that certain aspects of unhealed wounds may need professional guidance to be worked on effectively.

Remember, the journey to healing is yours to embark upon, and by prioritizing your well-being and seeking appropriate support, you can liberate yourself from the grip of narcissistic influence. You have the power to reclaim your sense of self, build resilience, and create a life that aligns with your true worth and potential. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and healing, for it is a path towards finding peace, empowerment, and freedom from the chains of past pain.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

Share your love
Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

Articles: 831

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *