Why Do You Really Take Yourself for Granted After Leaving In An Abusive Relationship?

Why Do You Really Take Yourself for Granted After Leaving In An Abusive Relationship? why do you really take yourself for granted after leaving in an abusive relationship?
Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

Most times when we talk about taking ourselves for granted, we normally do refer to someone else taking us for granted. We don’t really look at ourselves. And usually, you might say to people, “Hey, your partner is taking you for granted,” or “Your friends are taking you for granted,” or “Your colleagues are taking you for granted.” But in truth, the one who truly takes you for granted is yourself.

Mostly, after leaving an abusive relationship, you find yourself in a space where you neglect your own needs. Taking yourself for granted in this context means ignoring self-care, failing to prioritize yourself, avoiding seeking help, and feeling trapped in the situation. You may not even recognize your own boundaries; you’re just existing, without giving yourself the attention, care, or appreciation you deserve. It becomes all about others, with little or hardly any consideration for yourself.


The primary reason why you tend to take yourself for granted after leaving an abusive relationship is because you’ve developed a pattern of neglecting your own needs within that relationship or in previous ones. You’ve never really looked or given yourself the attention you deserve, you’ve always been giving it to others. For instance, you may have recognized in past relationships that you often put others’ happiness before your own or made sacrifices for their sake. This behavior could stem from internalizing a belief that your role is to prioritize others’ happiness. Perhaps you were brought up in a household where you were responsible for caring for your parents or siblings.

When you find yourself consistently caring for others without hardly getting it in return, you may begin to believe that this is simply how life is meant to be lived. You might start to think that prioritizing others over yourself is the key to finding happiness and fulfillment. As this belief takes hold, it becomes challenging for you to focus on your own needs. Instead, you constantly shift your attention to others — whether it’s your partner, friends, or colleagues — neglecting your own life in the process. Deep down, you may feel unworthy of attention and care, leading you to even believe that you’re a burden when help is offered.

However, when you’re helping others, you don’t see others as being burdensome; instead, you often find some sort of satisfaction in it. This is because it aligns with your core beliefs and how you perceive yourself. Therefore, you tend to overlook your own needs and take yourself for granted because you’re not accustomed to prioritizing your own well-being. 
 To overcome this pattern, you can take practical steps such as gradually practicing self-care and learning to establish and uphold your healthy boundaries. Sometimes that may not be enough because getting out of a pattern which you’ve become accustomed to for a very, very long time is not that easy. It’s not a matter of just waking up and practicing self-care. It’s a matter of working on the underlying issues or working on the root causes of those beliefs. Like what led to those beliefs in the first place?

Beliefs and actions, even if they’re not good for you, might have helped you deal with tough times before. But even after those times are over, your mind might stick to them. That’s why it’s important to try to change those beliefs.

And that’s what great therapy is all about — addressing the root causes of your beliefs and working on the underlying issues. Because once you start changing those beliefs, you’ll understand that the most important person to look after is yourself. Taking care of yourself should come before taking care of anyone else. And you’ll come to realize that by focusing on your own well-being, you’ll naturally be better equipped to care for others. It’s a bit counterintuitive, but by prioritizing yourself, you’ll indirectly be taking care of those around you as well.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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