Why Do Some People Go All in Into a New Relationship After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Why Do Some People Go All in Into a New Relationship After Leaving an Abusive Relationship why do some people go all in into a new relationship after leaving an abusive relationship
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When someone goes “all in” into a new relationship, it means they’re diving into it headfirst without really thinking too much about it. They don’t take the time to really understand the other person or consider if it’s the right thing for them. You might see them on dating apps like Bumble or asking friends to set them up with someone. It’s like they’re desperate for a relationship, even if they haven’t fully moved on from their last one. So, why does this happen?

Most people desire a new relationship to escape from themselves. This is especially true for those who have been in abusive relationships. Leaving such a relationship brings up a lot of emotions to deal with. They might feel like they’re not worthy, fear being alone, or worry that they’ll never find love again. So, they feel a sense of emptiness or lack.

When someone is feeling a lack of many things, it can be painful and uncomfortable. Leaving a toxic relationship might make this feeling even more intense because now there are no distractions. You start to see yourself more clearly. You notice the emptiness inside, and you become aware of how your mental health has suffered. You realize how much you relied on the other person.

Yes, even though the previous relationship was abusive, you come to realize that you weren’t really independent. You were heavily reliant on their validation and support, even for basic things like financial support. All those past traumas and pains now surface. When you’re in pain, it’s natural to seek relief. For many people, diving into a new relationship seems like the best way to find relief from the hurt they’re feeling.

That’s why they feel compelled to throw themselves fully into a new relationship. But the only way to truly understand what’s happening is to heal first, to fully address the pain. However, there’s a trap here. Trying to escape the pain might lead them straight into another toxic relationship. Because they’re vulnerable and desperate, they don’t take the time to carefully assess the new person. They still seek validation and the intense affection that toxic people often give at the start of a relationship. This is why there’s a higher chance of getting into another toxic relationship after leaving one.

There are many factors at play here. You haven’t taken the time to truly understand yourself, your pain, or your boundaries. You haven’t addressed the aspects within yourself that might attract you to toxic relationships. So while it’s natural to want to dive into a new relationship, you need to be cautious. Otherwise, you might find yourself in another toxic situation, which will only prolong your suffering. Running away from pain doesn’t make it disappear; instead, it often leads to more suffering.


But when you face the pain, you’re transformed. So instead of looking for another relationship, even if you are looking for another relationship ‘so that it can help you walk through this pain’. Go for therapy first, find yourself. If you really feel that the pain is so overwhelming, then find help. In therapy, at least you’ll find a safe space for you to process these emotions.

And after that process, you will get out of it as a better person, as someone who understands themselves, someone who knows what they want in a relationship, someone who goes into a relationship because it’s an aspect of choice, not an aspect of fear, someone who loves themselves, someone who understands what they can’t tolerate from others and just someone who’s just full of life, not someone who’s wanting a relationship or who wants to fully get in because they want to escape themselves. So, don’t escape yourself, but instead, face the pain. The pain is already there, and it never goes away till you face it.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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