Why Do People Disregard Advice from Loved Ones in Abusive Relationships?

Why Do People Disregard Advice from Loved Ones in Abusive Relationships? why do people disregard advice from loved ones in abusive relationships?
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Have you ever asked yourselves this question: Why is it that you despise your family, your friends, your colleagues for the advice they are giving you? Especially when it comes to your relationships. Let’s say you are in this unhealthy relationship or you are seeing someone. And to you, this person is very ‘okay’.

They treat you well, yeah. But sometimes they hurt you, even physically, and somehow, you’re cool with it. Then, you know what happens? You, being my friend and all, come to me like, “Why can’t you ditch that person?” or “Why do you stick around?” or even drop the bomb like, “I caught them doing shady stuff behind your back.” But why is it that instead of saying, “Thanks a bunch for the heads up. Seriously, you’re the best,” you end up resenting them? You start hating them. And even with your family, you feel like they’re never really hearing you out. Like they don’t even care about your happiness. What’s up with that? Why don’t they want you to be happy?

Actually, that’s the main thing when it comes to this advice. Yes, people may be offering advice with a lot of ‘good intentions’. But these pieces of advice you are getting from these people will never really be taken lightly by you. In fact, you’ll end up sometimes getting to the point where you’re feeling that you are avoiding them because of the advice they give you. Are you ever hate that one friend who normally gives a lot of advice and to the point where you just want to avoid that person? So why is that?

Actually, this happens because when someone gives you advice, it feels like they’re not really hearing you out. You know, whether it’s your mom, your friends, or your family, to them, the advice they give comes from their own viewpoint or what they observe. They might tell you to leave, but they’re seeing it from their own angle, like, “It’s obvious, just pack up and leave. It’s so simple. I can spot the abuse.” But the thing is, they’re seeing it as outsiders.

Mind Rejects ‘Advice’ which Challenge it

But to you, the “you” we’re talking about here, your subconscious mind, it sees your current situation as familiar and comfortable. So any advice that directly reaches your subconscious is usually met with rejection. It doesn’t outright say no, but it might counter with opposing thoughts. For instance, if your parents advise you to leave a relationship, your subconscious, used to the familiarity of that relationship or toxic environment, might respond with counter-advice like, “Your parents aren’t really understanding listening to you.”

So if you start believing that nobody really listens to you or understands your situation, and have you noticed that when most people face challenges, they often feel like nobody gets them? It’s a pretty common feeling. People often enjoy giving advice or trying to change the world. But what we really need to do first is simply understand and listen.


Actually, the world would be a better place if we all just stopped giving advice and took the time to listen. That’s really the only advice I can give. There’s no other way to put it. So when you find yourself resenting your friends, it’s not necessarily because they don’t understand you; it’s more about your subconscious mind or your inner belief system reaching a point where how you perceive yourself now is who you think you are. Or you are identifying yourself with your current perception.

When you’re deeply entrenched in your current perceptions, you resist change. It’s like you’ve become that identity, and you don’t want anyone challenging it. It’s akin to someone saying, “Change your name,” and your immediate response would be, “Why should I?” It’s the same when people offer advice. You might end up resenting them, feeling like they’re not really hearing you out. It all makes sense unless the advice helps with self-preservation.

That’s why you often see individuals who have been in abusive relationships continue to heed each other’s advice especially in forums, even if it’s detrimental. It serves to reinforce their deeply ingrained beliefs about themselves.

The common advice you might encounter in forums often sounds like, “Let’s take revenge on the narcissist,” or “Healing isn’t possible.” Many people gravitate towards this advice because it reinforces their victim identity, keeping them trapped in that mindset.

Advice from an outsider, especially if it’s aimed at helping you grow, tends to be met with resentment and resistance to change. Our minds naturally resist change by coming up with excuses and reinforcing old habits. So, next time, recognize that when your family or friends offer advice, it may be coming from a genuine place, even if it doesn’t seem like they’re truly listening. It’s just your mind trying to rationalize why you don’t want to heed their words. And if you’re someone who’s used to giving advice, sometimes it’s better to just listen instead.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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