Why Do People Continue to Believe Your Abusive Ex Even When You’ve Proved their Abuse?

Why Do People Continue to Believe Your Abusive Ex Even When You’ve Proved their Abuse? why do people continue to believe your abusive ex even when you’ve proved their abuse?
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Leaving an abusive relationship requires tremendous courage and strength. As you take steps towards healing, you may encounter an unexpected and disheartening situation: certain individuals in your support network may continue to believe and support your abusive ex-partner, despite the compelling evidence you have presented. It can be a deeply tragic experience when those who are meant to support you end up siding with the abuser instead of listening to your voice as the real victim. This raises an important question: why do these people persist in believing the abuser while dismissing your pleas for understanding and validation?


Abusive individuals possess a skill for charming and manipulating others, often presenting an external façade of generosity and charisma. This ability to create a positive image can lead people who only have superficial interactions with the abuser to perceive them as genuinely good-hearted individuals.


However, for those who live with the abuser and experience their behaviors on a day-to-day basis, a stark contrast emerges. Your firsthand experience reveals the true colors of the abuser as they engage in emotionally and physically abusive actions, causing you immense pain and distress. The stark difference between the public persona and the private reality highlights the complexity of abusive relationships and the challenges you face in trying to convey the truth about your abusive experiences to others who may only see a superficial version of the abuser.

Fear and Intimidation

Abusive ex-partners often resort to using fear and threats as a means of exerting control and power over those around you. They may employ tactics such as intimidating or making threats to harm or sabotage the lives of individuals who dare to speak out against them or expose their abusive behavior.


The fear instilled by these threats can be paralyzing, causing people to remain silent and continue supporting the abuser, even when they are aware of the abuse. The fear of potential consequences, whether it be losing a job, facing social ostracism, or experiencing personal harm, creates a powerful deterrent against speaking out.

This atmosphere of fear further perpetuates the cycle of abuse, as the abuser maintains their control over both you and those who might otherwise offer support. Overcoming this fear and finding the courage to break the silence can be an incredibly difficult and daunting task for those impacted by abuse.


In some cases, friends or family members may feel a sense of indebtedness towards the abuser, stemming from past favors, assistance, or positive experiences. This loyalty creates a cognitive dissonance within them, as they possess knowledge of the abuser’s abusive behavior, yet simultaneously feel a strong sense of allegiance. This conflict of beliefs can lead them to downplay or dismiss the severity of the abuse, as they prioritize their loyalty and personal connection over acknowledging the harmful actions.

They may try to rationalize or justify the abuser’s behavior, seeking to maintain a sense of loyalty or protect their own previous positive experiences. Consequently, this internal conflict often hinders their ability to fully grasp the gravity of the abuse and offer the support and validation that you deserve.


Some people may rely on your abusive ex-partner for validation, approval, or other essential needs. They might be emotionally dependent on the abuser for support or depend on them for material resources. This dependency can create significant barriers to breaking away from the relationship and withdrawing support from the abuser.

The fear of losing emotional or material support can be overwhelming, causing those people to continue supporting the abuser despite being aware of their abusive behavior. The entangled nature of this dependency can trap individuals in a cycle where they prioritize their immediate needs over their own well-being and fail to recognize the harmful dynamics of the relationship.

Lack of Proper Awareness & Naivety

It is important to recognize that some people may lack a comprehensive understanding of the depth and impact of manipulation and abuse within relationships. They may not be fully aware of the various forms of abuse beyond physical violence, such as emotional or verbal abuse. Without this awareness, they may struggle to grasp the complexity and severity of the abuse that victims endure.

Consequently, when confronted with claims against the abuser, they may find it difficult to believe or may inadvertently shift blame onto the victim. This lack of awareness can create a significant hurdle in gaining support and validation for the victim’s experiences. It can really be hard to believe that someone can go from being a very ‘good’ person today to a very ‘bad’ person the next day.

You Can’t Control their Perceptions

It’s important to remember that you can’t control how others perceive or respond to the situation. Instead, focus on your own emotional pain and well-being. Healing and transformation come from acknowledging and addressing your own suffering. While it can be frustrating when others don’t believe or support you, trust in yourself and the truth of your experience. Seek help from professionals, support groups, or trusted individuals who can provide guidance and validation.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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