When Your Toxic Ex Contacts You After More Than A Year of No Contact

When Your Toxic Ex Contacts You After More Than A Year of No Contact when your toxic ex contacts you after more than a year of no contact
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Picture this: it’s been well over a year since you decided to cut ties with your toxic ex, and you’ve painstakingly built a life free from the chains of their emotional manipulation. You’re starting to feel stronger, more independent, and ready to embrace a future filled with genuine happiness. But just when you thought you had finally moved on, out of the blue, a message pops up on your phone, and it’s them. Your heart skips a beat, and a whirlwind of emotions takes over. Confusion sets in, and you’re left wondering why they’ve resurfaced after all this time.

Experiencing contact from a toxic ex after a significant period of no contact can be an emotional whirlwind. It can catch you completely off guard, bringing back memories and emotions you thought were long buried. You might find yourself questioning their intentions and motives, wondering if they’ve changed or if they’re simply trying to manipulate you once again. The confusion and mixed feelings can be overwhelming, leaving you with a flood of unanswered questions about why they resurfaced in your life after all this time. So, what are some of the reasons why your toxic ex may contact you out of the blue?

1. Hoovering

The first common reason is that they may seek to suck you back into the relationship or meet their needs. They might have also run out of supply elsewhere and they want you to satisfy their needs and desires. Driven by their deep-seated need for control and emotional validation, they seek to regain the power they once held over you. The fear of you moving on and finding happiness without them intensifies their insecurity, leading them to reestablish contact. By rekindling old memories and emotions, they aim to reignite the emotional connection and dependence, playing on your vulnerabilities.


2. Testing boundaries

Toxic individuals might reach out as a way to assess whether they can still hold influence over you or manipulate your emotions. By initiating contact, they seek to gauge if you remain susceptible to their tactics and if they can regain a position of power in the dynamic. This testing of boundaries is an attempt to ascertain whether you are still emotionally invested and whether they can exploit your vulnerabilities to serve their own needs.

3. Loneliness and Boredom

If the ex is feeling lonely or bored, they may resort to reaching out as a means to alleviate their feelings of isolation. During moments of solitude or monotony, memories of the past relationship can resurface, prompting them to seek a familiar connection to fill the void. They might temporarily seek comfort in reestablishing contact, hoping to recapture the emotional bond and attention they once received.


What Do You Do When They Contact You?

Here’s the thing: when you focus so much on their intent or why they do it, you miss the big picture. You should focus more on using this opportunity to determine if some part of you still feels irksome or irritated by the actions of your past ex. If you feel irritated or triggered, then it means there are some parts of you that need healing. If you feel that your boundaries have been tested, then it means you’ve got some work to do on yourself.

You see, you’re using them to work on yourself so that you can get to the point where you feel indifferent, even when they call you after 5 years, or you bump into them later on in life. That’s what deep healing is all about; it’s about freeing yourself from the past to the point that those people from your past no longer make you anxious or stressed because you’ve made peace with what they did to you in the past, and it’s no longer affecting how you respond in the present moment.


In conclusion, the act of a toxic ex reaching out to you even long after you’ve left the relationship may be unsettling, but it’s essential to recognize that their actions are driven by their own needs and not necessarily a reflection of your worth. These emotional scars from the past can act as triggers, leaving you on high alert and feeling tense whenever thoughts of your toxic ex resurface or when you come across someone who bears a resemblance to them. Unresolved pain can intensify emotional reactions, causing you to fall back into patterns of anxiety or distress, making it challenging to move forward with confidence. However, by acknowledging and working on these wounds, you can gradually lessen their impact on your present experiences. So, don’t bury those wounds, as they will always haunt you. Instead, expose them to light for healing.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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