When Your Negative Beliefs Make Green Flags Turn Red and Red Flags Turn Green

When Your Negative Beliefs Make Green Flags Turn Red and Red Flags Turn Green when your negative beliefs make green flags turn red and red flags turn green

I want a relationship that is exciting and full of adventure, someone to shower me with all kinds of love, flatter and praise me; someone to treat me like royalty, someone who can make my adrenaline pump and take me on this rollercoaster ride. That’s basically what we may desire when it comes to looking for a relationship. We rarely mention or look at the ‘boring’ side of the relationship, the side where you’re not doing anything ‘exciting’ but just talking without any ‘excitement’. It’s not that a healthy relationship lacks excitement, but rather, the consistency and predictability of love and validation make it feel more normal, with a few highs and lows.

A healthy relationship often thrives in the unexciting or mundane moments, such as the simple “I was just checking up on you” calls or the person who leads a basic, normal life.

Boring is where the beauty of life resides; excitement consists of moments of adrenaline rush filled with the chase of desires, which will never fulfill the emptiness deep inside.

We often view relationships as a collection of events rather than focusing on the process, which is what it truly is. This doesn’t mean it lacks excitement, but it’s a different form of excitement — peaceful yet rarely chaotic.

Mostly, the red flags of an unhealthy relationship are more towards the desire side or the exciting side of the relationship, while the green flags lie on the boring side. For example, ‘We’re broke; we cannot afford the vacation,’ but then you just laugh about it and look at the gifts you have and the fact that you have each other. That’s why when you haven’t really worked on yourself on a deeper level, you might think that the green flags are the red flags and the red flags are the green flags.

Wounded Self = Distorted Perception of Reality

To your wounded self, the familiar and the predictable nature of red flags make its so green and safe. We are wounded, to a certain degree because there’s a lot of negativity around our environments which conditions us to interpret our surroundings from a distorted perspective or from a broken inner belief system.

So, when your inner belief system is broken, you will see the red flags from that crush of yours as exciting or as an adventure or the source of drama. The other you who has become accustomed to betrayal will water down the red flags or even believe that they can convert those red flags to green especially when you’ve saved or took care of people in the past who couldn’t take care of themselves or when you feel so overly responsible to other aside from yourself.

Normal = Boring = ‘Red Flags’

When you meet that ordinary person around the corner, they will challenge your current perspective because they aren’t particularly exciting. They might be taking care of themselves, engaging in mundane life activities, or living what we could call a normal, unexciting life — nothing ‘exciting.’ When they treat you well or with respect, it makes you anxious, and deep inside, you feel undeserving of it. Every bone in your body shivers when they call you, and in a twisted way, you feel unsafe, now thinking of them as red flags.


To your current identity, it doesn’t feel safe, and you might consider that this ‘person’ is probably toxic, while the exciting one is the one with green flags. All of this occurs because of your inverted worldview, a perspective that has become blurred and tends to thinks in a twisted way. That’s why, unless you genuinely work on challenging or transforming your negative beliefs, you will continue to attract situations or relationships that only reinforce those negative beliefs or validate your negative beliefs of ‘feeling unworthy of love and care.’

Your current actions often serve as visible manifestations of your underlying issues or your deep-seated beliefs about yourself. When your inner self is tainted or poisoned, you may inadvertently gravitate towards toxicity in the external world because, for you, poison feels comfortable and familiar. The idea of something non-toxic or clean may be unsettling because it clashes with your deeply entrenched toxic patterns.


In conclusion, when you find yourself consistently engaging in activities that are harmful to your mental, physical, and emotional well-being, and you can’t seem to stop, it simply means that your mind has accepted this pattern as your comfort zone. This suggests that you’re no longer the one in control but rather someone who’s mainly being driven by the pursuit of exciting yet harmful aspects of life. You’re being driven by negative beliefs about yourself.

You may need proper therapy to help you address these subconscious beliefs. You can attempt to challenge these beliefs on your own, but it can be quite challenging to play the roles of both the ‘doctor’ and the ‘patient’ simultaneously. Your bias towards your comfort zone may lead you to overlook potential solutions and keep you stuck in familiar but unhelpful patterns. Working on these issues by yourself can be a significant challenge.

However, when someone who understands intervenes or guides you to communicate with your subconscious mind, you can release and process the emotional baggage that transforms all the green flags into red flags and vice versa. You will then gain clarity, and without a shadow of a doubt, you will recognize when something feels amiss. You will come to understand that you’ve been ignoring that gut feeling because those negative beliefs are incredibly powerful at suppressing or disregarding it. Healing is the path to reclaiming your life from the past and taking your choice back.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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