When Your Narcissistic Ex Can’t Leave You Alone even after Discarding You?

When Your Narcissistic Ex Can’t Leave You Alone even after Discarding You? when your narcissistic ex can’t leave you alone even after discarding you?
Photo by Nik Shuliahin 💛💙 on Unsplash

Today, I’d like to answer this question of “Why won’t my narcissistic ex leave me alone? It was them who ended it 6 months ago.” They were supposed to leave you alone. They made you feel unimportant, discarded you, and may have even said it was over between the tow of you.

But surprisingly, they’re back in your life, bothering you. They text you, call you, and show up without warning. “Just leave me alone already!” you want to cry out. So, you keep getting frustrated and asking yourself, like, what else can you really do to keep them away, and why is it that they can’t just live their lives?

Here’s to the thing, to the narcissistic mind, you were never really gone in the first place.

That brutal idealization-devaluation-discard cycle? To them, breaking up wasn’t about ending things forever. It was their strange way of controlling everything by pushing you away. But then they pull you back in when they feel like it, crossing your boundaries.

They think they’re entitled to do this. They don’t see you as your own person with rights to decide the end of the relationship. Instead, they see you as part of themselves, something they can’t fully let go of or give control to.


Even if the narcissist was the one who decided to end things, they don’t truly believe their victims have the right to leave for good. They think they can discard you whenever they want, but if you try to break free for good, they panic.

They feel like you’re not allowed to block them and move on without their permission. In their mind, it’s like you’re defying their control over everything.

So, their constant attempts to contact you, show up, and stalk you are all part of their abusive cycle of control. They can’t handle being rejected on your terms because it shatters their belief in their own power and superiority over you.

Your existence as a separate person threatens their false sense of self. That’s why they keep trying to pull you back into their control, whether it’s through engagement, conflict, drama, or anything else that puts your freedom back under their rule.

In their distorted worldview, they don’t what it means to have a healthy relationship based on intimacy and mutual respect. Instead, they just want to drain your energy, control you, and get a reaction from you, like a smoker craving their next cigarette.

So, they keep reaching out and trying to provoke you, hoping to pull you back into a cycle of addiction with them. The breakup wasn’t meant to be the end; it was just a way for them to temporarily clear space for their next supply of for the next phase of trying to hoover you back in.

You Have the Power to Stay Away

The things we need to constantly remind ourselves is we’re the one who need to leave them alone with their drama and their games of deceit. It is your responsibility to take care of yourself by strengthening your defences, completely detaching yourself, and making a firm commitment to never get pulled back into their cycles of trauma, no matter how hard they try to provoke you.

Be as uninteresting as a grey rock until they lose interest. Change your contact information, clean up your social media, and even consider moving to a different place if you have to. Take every possible step to protect your own independence without engaging in any more futile negotiations with them.

You can’t control a narcissist’s constant boundary violations or make them stop, but you can control how much they affect your life. Focus on untangling yourself from their toxic cycles so thoroughly that they have no power over you anymore.

While you can’t erase them from the world, you can remove yourself from their destructive sphere of influence.

It’s the best way to protect your energy and spirit from their annoying behavior. If you really feel you cannot do it by yourself, it’s also your responsibility to seek help but you’ve got to do this for you because you deserve it.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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