When Your Abusive Ex Reminds You of The Happy Times You Had Together

When Your Abusive Ex Reminds You of The Happy Times You Had Together when your abusive ex reminds you of the happy times you had together
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Have you ever received a message or reminder from your abusive ex, bringing up the happy moments you shared in the past? It can be quite puzzling and bring up a mix of emotions. For instance, let’s say you receive a text from your ex saying, “Remember how much fun we had on our last vacation? I miss those times.” In such situations, it’s important to understand the underlying motives behind their actions and know how to handle them effectively.

So, why does your abusive ex send you mementos of the happy times you had together, even long after you’ve left the abusive relationship?

1. Manipulation

Your abusive ex may send you mementos of the happy times you had together as a form of manipulation. Manipulation is a tactic commonly used by abusive individuals to maintain control and power over their victims. By reminding you of the happy moments, they are trying to evoke positive emotions and create a sense of nostalgia.

The intention behind this manipulation is to make you doubt your decision to leave the relationship and to keep you emotionally connected to them. They want to keep you engaged and hopeful that things could go back to the way they were during those happy times. This manipulation tactic is aimed at keeping you emotionally vulnerable and open to their influence.

By sending these reminders, your abusive ex is trying to reestablish a connection with you. They want to create an opportunity to reenter your life and resume their control over you. They know that if they can evoke feelings of love, longing, or nostalgia within you, it becomes easier for them to manipulate and exploit your emotions.

2. Hoovering

Another reason they may try to reconnect is for “hoovering.” This means they want to suck you back into the relationship, just as they did in the beginning when they idealized and love-bombed you. They want to regain control over you and use you for their own needs, whether it’s for sex, money, status, or other benefits.

The other purpose of hoovering through mementos is to disrupt your healing process, maintain control over their emotions, and reestablish a connection that the abuser can exploit for their own benefit. It plays on your vulnerability and emotional attachment, attempting to manipulate you into believing that the relationship can be revived or that the abuser has genuinely changed.


3. Maintaining Connection

Maintaining a connection with you is another motive for their actions. Abusive people often have a fear of abandonment and want to ensure you are still emotionally tied to them. They don’t want to see you moving on or realizing your worth, as it would force them to confront their own insecurities.

4. Provoke A Reaction

Lastly, they may be seeking to provoke a reaction from you. Manipulative people thrive on control, and if they can elicit a strong response from you, it signifies that they still hold power over your life. It gives them the opportunity to continue using you in their manipulative games or love triangles.

What Do You Do?

When faced with these messages, it is crucial not to engage with them. Even if the messages seem positive or remind you of good times, do not reopen those old wounds. Manipulative people are skilled at getting to you, especially if you haven’t worked on healing your past traumas or negative beliefs about yourself. Do not respond, even if you feel a sense of hope or nostalgia. Those emotions often stem from the trauma bonding and familiarity, and it’s important to resist them.


Focus on your healing journey and maintaining no contact. Block or make it difficult for your abusive ex to reach out to you. By setting boundaries and prioritizing your well-being, you can break free from their influence and work towards a healthier future. Remember, your healing and growth should be your priority. Stay strong and continue working on yourself. You deserve to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these subconscious patterns for good (in less than 2 months) using Mind Shifting, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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