What Motivates Someone to Become A “Flying Monkey” For Someone Else Instead of Standing Up For…

What Motivates Someone to Become A “Flying Monkey” For Someone Else Instead of Standing Up For… what motivates someone to become a “flying monkey” for someone else instead of standing up for…
Photo by Andre Mouton on Unsplash

A flying monkey is someone who is enlisted, whether knowingly or unknowingly, by the abuser to carry out their manipulative actions or agendas. Rather than offering support you the abused, these people — whether they’re parents, friends, or others close to you — choose to align themselves with the abuser, sometimes even continuing the abuse on their behalf. It’s particularly challenging when people whom you’ve trusted for a long time, possibly even before encountering the abuser, begin siding with someone who has made your life unbearable, especially when you’re trying to move forward. You might have hoped or expected that these friends or loved ones would stand by you, offering support as you heal from the abuse. However, when those who were once supportive transition into becoming flying monkeys, it can leave you feeling confused and questioning why they’ve turned against you. So, what motivates flying monkeys to do a narcissist’s bidding?


The first reason is manipulation. When someone becomes a flying monkey, it’s often because they’re also being manipulated. Manipulative people are skilled at tactics like guilt-tripping and gaslighting. They might use these same methods on the flying monkey, making them feel like they have to go along with their plans. Just like they manipulated you, they might use similar tactics to control the flying monkey and get them to do their bidding. The flying monkeys may not be aware that they’re being manipulated or under the spell of the abuser.


Sense of Loyalty

Another reason is loyalty, or rather, misguided loyalty. In many cases, flying monkeys believe they’re acting in the best interest of either the abuser or even you. They may genuinely think that by siding with the abuser, they’re showing support. For instance, if the flying monkey happens to be the abuser’s sibling, they might feel obligated to support their family member no matter what. Loyalty to family or close relationships can blind them to the abuse, causing them to ignore it or even participate in it. This sense of loyalty may stem from shared past experiences or simply long-standing friendships.

Low Self-Esteem

Another aspect to consider is that flying monkeys may have low self-esteem. When someone lacks confidence in themselves, they find it challenging to stand up for themselves or assert their own opinions. They easily succumb to persuasive words, especially from someone with a dominant personality like an abuser. Feeling intimidated by conflict, they prefer to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. They don’t trust in their own abilities or voice, leading them to believe they’re better off going along with the abuser’s demands for the sake of maintaining a false sense of harmony.

Desire for Approval or Belonging

Another aspect to consider is the desire for approval or a sense of belonging. Flying monkeys may seek the approval of the abuser, believing that by aligning themselves with them, they can avoid becoming a victim of their abuse. This is especially true if the abuser holds a positive public reputation or a position of power. The flying monkey may believe that the only way to gain favor from the abuser is to support them, as they crave and prioritize their approval. This desire for approval can stem from various aspects, including personal values, support, or even their own well-being.


There are various motivations behind someone becoming a flying monkey. However, understanding these reasons doesn’t mean you should sympathize with or tolerate their behavior. Whether it’s a flying monkey or an abuser, if someone is causing you harm, it’s essential to take action to protect yourself. This might involve cutting them off or distancing yourself from them. Remember, both flying monkeys and abusers are harmful, and you don’t owe them your sympathy or compassion. Focus on your own well-being and growth first. Eventually, you may come to realize that manipulation affects us all in different ways.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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