What Do You Do When You Share Mutual Friends with Your Abusive Ex?

What Do You Do When You Share Mutual Friends with Your Abusive Ex? what do you do when you share mutual friends with your abusive ex?
Photo by Claudia Soraya on Unsplash

Today I want to answer this common question: what do you do when you share mutual friends with your abusive ex? It’s a situation many find themselves in because during the relationship, you naturally share friends due to shared interests or simply being together. But when the relationship ends, it leaves you wondering what to do with these mutual friends. It can be tough, especially when you’re still hurting from the breakup and crave support from friends but now you don’t even know which friends to trust. So, how do you navigate this tricky situation?

Limit Communication

Limit the information you share with mutual friends before considering cutting ties with them. Even during no contact, these friends may still communicate with your ex. Avoid sharing every detail of your plans or recovery journey, as they might inadvertently reach your ex and sabotage your progress or draw you back into the relationship. Mutual friends create an indirect channel of communication, so you don’t have to tell them every single detail of your recovery journey.

Do not try to Win them Over.

Additionally, refrain from attempting to win them over to your side or convincing them to end ties with your abusive ex simply because you’ve broken up. Trying to recruit them may backfire, as they may isolate themselves from you or even view you as the problem. You may feel desperate because of loneliness, or you might approach the situation with good intentions like wanting your friends to see the truth about your ex. But it never really works that way since you’re the one who saw and experienced the abuse firsthand and your mutual friends may have been getting the ‘good’ side or the superficial charm side of your abusive ex.


Beware of Flying Monkeys

Another important point to consider is to know that your mutual acquaintances may potentially becoming proxies for abuse. They may start smearing your name or making you feel like the abusive one. They may do the abuser’s bidding unknowingly or knowingly and you will end up getting hurt in the name of wanting to be with your friends.

Therefore, sometimes it’s necessary to cut off mutual friends too, as you can’t always rely on them during your healing journey. Until you learn to be your own friend, you’ll remain vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation, both from others and from yourself. Healing is your journey, and even if you have to do it without the support of your friends, know that you’re doing it for the one friend who matters the most: yourself. It can be a lonely journey, but it’s better to embrace the loneliness and the emptiness inside than to belong to a crowd where people exploit each other.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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