What Are Your Thoughts on Someone Who Is Abusive but Also Shows Care And Love?

What Are Your Thoughts on Someone Who Is Abusive but Also Shows Care And Love? what are your thoughts on someone who is abusive but also shows care and love?
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Today I would like to address the question of what to do if someone is abusive but also shows care and love. This is a very interesting question because you may find yourself dealing with someone who exhibits emotionally abusive behavior — yelling, name-calling, and possibly even physical abuse — and then, after a period, they switch to treating you kindly and showing care. This inconsistency can be confusing, as it oscillates between moments of abuse and apparent affection.

This pattern is characteristic of many emotionally abusive relationships. The abusive person alternates between moments of love and care and instances of abusive behavior, leaving you feeling perplexed about how to navigate the situation. You might even find yourself clinging to the moments of care because you fear losing the relationship or because you crave affection.

However, upon closer examination, you may realize that the instances of love and care are actually quite rare compared to the frequency of abusive behavior. It’s similar to being offered breadcrumbs of affection and attaching undue significance to them because they are scarce. Your mind may magnify these gestures, leading you to believe they are more significant than they truly are.


Consider the analogy of the last cookie in a jar; it seems sweeter because it’s the last one, despite its actual taste being no different from the others. Similarly, the moments of apparent love and care from the abusive person may seem more substantial due to their scarcity.

Do the Math

In reality, it’s unlikely that the ratio of love to abuse is equal. The abusive behavior likely outweighs the affectionate gestures by a significant margin. Actually, if you’re really torn apart, you can keep count of the abuse and the moments of care and love. By keeping track of instances of abuse and moments of care, you can gain clarity on the imbalance within the relationship, empowering you to make informed decisions about your own safety and happiness. Documenting these occurrences provides tangible evidence that can counteract the tendency to rationalize or tolerate mistreatment.

Your mind will always seek self-preservation, and it will come up with all sorts of excuses to keep you stuck where you are, and one of those is, “Sometimes they’re nice, sometimes they’re abusive.” So, if you logically look closely, you will realize that it’s not an equal balance, and you will also understand that maybe those moments of care and love are just so that you can forget or brush aside their abusive or hurtful behavior.

In the end, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Do not rationalize or tolerate abuse under the guise of receiving care. Set boundaries and communicate clearly about what behavior is unacceptable. If the abusive behavior persists despite your efforts, consider whether the relationship is truly worth preserving. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and it’s not a favor to receive love and care — it’s a fundamental expectation in any healthy relationship.

Note from the Author

If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

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Edwin Bii
Edwin Bii

I'm Edwin Bii, a trained advanced conversational hypnotherapist (ACH) and Mind Shifting Coach from Kenya offering mental health support, and life coaching to help you crush your goalsand overcome your problems. Together, we'll navigate challenges, build self-awareness, and create a happier, healthier you. Let's unlock your potential.

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